That is to say I am (a) unemployed, (b) unwilling and probably unable to return to the industry I have just left and (c) unable/unwilling/afraid to figure out what the fuck I’m going to do for wonga.
I try not to think about the latter as my main aim is to get well and stay well as for as my mental health is concerned, but to the rest of the world, and sometimes to myself, I am not in an enviable position.
There are however, some consolations.
* My health seems to be improving a little every day.
* I don’t have to get up and commute on these cold, dreary mornings.
* I am not under pressure to exaggerate, lie, schmooze and grovel in order to appease some bullet headed, ego driven twat and hit his ridiculous financial targets.
* From what I have heard, my previous employers are at last realising what i told them was correct and have changed their strategy accordingly :-).
* The market is at the toughest it’s ever been and the entire industry is suffering.
Re the latter comment, please be assured that I am not gloating about that; I still have a lot of friends in that world, and wish no added pressure or stress on them, indeed I feel for them because I know what it’s like. It is what this climate is driving a certain kind of individual to do that sort of amuses me.
Some of you may be aware of a site called LinkedIn which is a professional networking site, where you access knowledge, insights, ‘Link In’ with people who may be of interest to you work wise or ask for introductions from one of your contacts to a third party.
Since I went AWOL, there was apparently a lot of activity on my site immediately following, probably consisting of a combination of scandal/gossip mongers and people who were genuinely concerned about me, then after a couple of months it pretty much tailed off.
Then, as the market toughened, job losses occurred and remaining, short staffed senior management had to step up and do some real work for a change, the requests started to come in from people who wanted to ‘Link In’ with me; not because they want to stay in touch or be my friend, not because they are approaching me about a job, but because they want to plunder my contacts.
And for the most part, this is fine; I have no objection to this. I don’t really know the majority of them but if gaining access to my client base is going to help them soldier on and create business in one of the most challenging economic climates this country has seen for decades, then, please Friend, help yourself and good luck to you. Knock yourself out.
No. The ones that gall/amuse me the most are the back stabbers, the two-faced wankers and hypocrites who have had the audacity to contact me and expect me to help them.
‘Oh Hi, remember me? I’m that bitch that complained about you to your boss when I didn’t win that pitch? Anyway hope all is well with you, could we please Link In?’
‘Oh hello? I know your name but can barely place your face? This is because I would turn my fat no-neck head in another direction if you approached me, as if someone had farted, as I always thought you were a bit of a loser, and given recent events I was probably right hey? 🙂 Anyway, as you’ve probably heard, I’m a shit manager but a great spin master, so can we Link In so I can access some of your key media partners and do a number on them in order to make a fast buck?’
‘Hi there Sista! I’m that friend of your ex boss who suddenly took against you for no apparent reason, slagged you off in the industry and rubbed my hands together with glee when you finally disappeared into obscurity where you belong. Times however are increasingly tough I’m sure you’ll agree, so Linking In with you will probably help me move into a different area of business, whilst satisfying my curiosity by allowing me to see what you’re up to now and spread a slightly more twisted version of it to my peers. What do you think?’
I think FUCK YOU, that’s what I think.
I may have struggled and you may still be out there but that’s because I have integrity, a heart, and a conscience and therefore I am not willing to tout my grubby ass around, shape shifting to order like some disgusting, mealy mouthed, money grabbing amoeba, and whilst it would be no skin off my nose to accept your invitation (indeed it might beneficial if I were as slimy as you) I would sooner gouge out my eyes with a melon baller, stick them up my arse and take a greased pogo stick out onto the middle lane of the nearest motorway.
So, to clarify, NO I don’t want to ‘Link In’ with you, so take your saggy ‘ho ass and point it in another direction; not all of my clients are perfect or indeed worth doing business with, but they certainly don’t deserve to be ripped off by the likes of you.
So, Jog On Kitty and don’t stop till you hit Plundera, OK?