I’ve just been let down.
For the second time in 24 hours.
Rejected, discarded like a broken Easter Egg.
Today is the official end of Lent, therefore I am allowed to drink alcohol again.
But I daren’t. I’m frightened that if I crack open a bottle of wine, I won’t be able to stop. Because right now, I just want to get smashed and tamp down the pain.
R suggested both meets and cancelled both meets. And I get it. She wants to want to be there for me, but not enough to look in the mirror.
Because she sees in me what I see in H. A less than happy vision of the future if she doesn’t get her shit together.
Karma is a bitch, huh? But at least I know where mine is coming from.
Somehow I have to change what I’m transmitting so that I can attract people who will help me evolve. Not because they feel they have a duty to. But because they like being around me enough to embrace what I bring to a relationship but also accept that I have a flawed side.
That in itself will bring out the best in me.
And I don’t think I can find that in a book, in a course or even in a church.
I need to go within.
Which is what I’ll now be doing this evening.
Wish me luck.
Because I don’t want to end up livin’ in the bottle.