Accidentally on purpose forgot to do my monthly 2013 New Years Resolutions update at the end of February, reason being it’s probably quite a long read, truth be known.
Actually that’s not the reason. The main reason is that I was too afraid to address it.
What were you like at school/university? Super organised? Did you do your homework/assignments:
(a) As soon as you got home
(b) A few days later, or:
(c) Burning the midnight oil the night before, and desperately scribbling down the last bits in assembly?
I’m sure you can guess which category I fell into. I procrastinated/self sabotaged and still do to this day, even when it was a subject/task I liked, which is probably why I’m in my current situation, as, apart from the odd telephone prompt from family and friends, no one is here to make me do stuff.
Newsflash – just had an emergency call with Aunty C and am (again) under strict instructions and as such will add follow up/action points to all of these beauties to make sure I follow up.
Here we go! This time, for your delectation, I’ve used examples from the British bird kingdom for illustrative purposes:
GO OUTSIDE EVERY DAY
The Song Thrush
Like the Song Thrush, I’m still something of a shy bird, and am only really seen out and about when I need to feed. When the freezer is full, and there’s plenty of milk in the fridge for tea, I may not even open the front door….
Action Point – Go for a jog or walk every morning before breakfast, and schedule things to do that involve going out every day.
BE UP AND DRESSED BY 9A.M. EVERY DAY
After having had man flu, I have fallen back into bad habits of late and am, like the Owl, am mainly nocturnal again. I can sometimes be seen in daylight hours, just not the crack of dawn.
Action Point – Get up and into the bath (or out for that run) the minute the alarm goes off (or when the cats stomp on my tits, whichever comes first) as opposed to wincing and burying myself under the duvet.
WATCH LESS TV
The Goggle Eyed Plover
Don’t need to elaborate here do I? This is my Achilles Heel along with t’internet. Perhaps I should have given it up for Lent along with booze, but that may well have pushed me over the edge….
Action Point – Limit myself to 2 hours of TV per day max.
TURN UP/STOP CANCELLING ARRANGEMENTS
The Scarlet Tanager
Like the Tanager (yes, there is such a bird, thank you) I remain somewhat elusive, but did stick with my plans to go on that hike, remember? And what happened? Yep, exactly! Humiliated and left behind!
Put it behind you Sista, put it behind you….
Action Point – Find a new hiking club for oldies 🙂 , book dancing lessons, join local yoga club.
KEEP/MAKE NEW FRIENDS
Apart from the odd night here and there, I remain, like the Eagle, solitary and a bit melancholic, but not anything like as magnificent. I can also be a bit cruel when hurt or let down, which I am learning to curb. Also working very hard on managing my expectations of friends and need to make more so that I am not relying on my precious few all the time.
Action Point – See above
LOOK AFTER MYSELF
The Gannet is allegedly prone to eating to excess as am I, in the form of comfort eating. I couldn’t find a bird that eats junk food, though I’m sure most of them would relish a bag of Monster Munch if proffered. To be fair, my diet has been mixed, I have good days and bad, but am not consistent. The worst thing I have neglected is my yoga and I have teacher training tomorrow and am very nervous that this lack of commitment will be all too obvious.
WHY DO I DO THIS SHIT?
I thought about just ‘fessing up to my teachers that I am barking mad and postpone completing the course until next year, but Aunty C says ‘No, that’s not enabling the child!”. Huh. Bloody kids.
Action Point – Get back on track with yoga and log/monitor food intake to make sure that my diet is covering all the stops nutrition wise.
The Sulpher Crested Cockatoo
I, like the SC Cockatoo, love to move to music and have surprisingly good rhythm (and I don’t poo on the carpet either), but I’ve cancelled local dance lessons three times now. Sigh….
Action Point – Book more dancing lessons and GO!
DRINKING AT HOME
The Dove (From Above)
OK, this is the one thing I’ve aced, because I’ve given up alcohol for Lent and so far I’ve stuck to it, hence the angelic Dove From Above (more Reeves and Mortimer references). The negative side of this is I’ve eschewed a couple of social gatherings as it’s no fucking fun being around my buddies when they’re battered, dancing around and chugging bubbles, when I’m nursing a flat, warm San Pellegrino and a thin, pained smile. Annoying.com.
Action Point – Buy drugs to replace alcohol when going out to party. I’M KIDDING! Suck it up Sista, your liver will thank you for this, and post Lent? You can have a little drinkie every now and then :-).
GET WORK/A JOB
Like the Sparrow, I’ve barely moved more than 2 kilometres from my home, let alone started work. Not out of laziness, but pure, unmitigated fear combined with not having a fucking clue what I’m going to do.
Action Point – Explore volunteer work to get me back out there for a couple of days a week.
RE underwear, I’m still scarred (both mentally and physically) by that cheesewire knicker incident I blogged about, so this can bloody wait until I’ve met someone worth wearing frillies for before I go there again.
As for dating, as some of you may know, I have rejoined a dating website (cringe) and two people have sent me messages, but as I’m rather Chicken (geddit?), I haven’t replied as yet. But I will Tonight. Honest.
As for sex, I don’t think casual encounters are for me right now, so this will come if/when I meet someone I want to get down and dirty with. In the meantime, I’m trying to reactivate my mojo (see ‘Mrs Mojo Risin’ if you really want to go there) so that when the time comes, I’ll know that it’s going to be worth it, as I don’t do sympathy fucks.
Action Point – Reply to emails, have a fiddle once a week and in the meantime, embrace the 100% cotton apple catchers. Yay!
LIKE WHAT I SEE IN THE MIRROR
The Body Dysmorphic Budgerigar
Like the good old Budgie, I do look in the mirror sometimes, but, unlike the budgie, I don’t strut around, get all sexed up and regurgitate clumps of gob and millet all over it. There are some days I could vomit however….
Action Point – Remove mirrors?! OK, get fitter and start wearing ‘natural’ make up every day.
Like the Eagle (my spirit guide apparently, maybe that’s why it came up twice) I can be intractable and cruel when hurt, but am coming to terms with stuff and closer to finding peace in my heart every day.
Action Point – Pray
Phew, wasn’t as painful as I thought! And I know more about British birds than I probably ever need to know….
Off to get something healthy to eat, maybe watch an hour of TV then have an early night as I have a full day of yoga ahead of me tomorrow. Better not wank tonight as shaky legs tomorrow will not help my Warrior in the least….
Wish me luck!