Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….



One of my fellow bloggers, a certain Mr Harsh Reality ( has as of today accumulated a staggering 5000 followers, which, as I told him, is totes amazeballs as we say here in jolly old Permatan Chavland.

Harsh, as I like to call him, and I both started our blogs at the same time (January 2013), and whilst (a) he’s a great prolific, rather addictive writer, (b) I appreciate the presence and interest of every single one of my followers, love them v much and thank them for it, and (c) my material and verbiage and opinions are something of an acquired taste, I would like to have more people read my stuff, if only to justify the sheer time I put into this, so I decided to have a little think about what I can do to extend my readership.


As I am currently writing anonymously (yes, quelle surprise, that is not me jigging around in a nuns habit with two little lads, or sat in Sukhasana on a beach post nuclear attack with two trippy looking cats and a bird on my back) I am not able to promote myself per se to, or via family, friends or acquaintances, or on social media websites in my own name.

That said, I really can’t do anything about that; I would end up moderating what I say, or tip toeing around certain subjects, not to mention taking the bigger risk of letting people know that I suffer from depression as I’ve experienced enough descrimination to date to know that people do still make blanket judgements about us, are uncomfortable around us and some would sooner pretend that we didn’t exist.

So as it stands, I’d rather be judged on who I am and how I present myself rather than have someone pigeon hole me into a little box marked ‘damaged goods’.

Plus I’m sure even Harsh doesn’t know 5000 people personally, so that gives me some hope :-).


I swear a bit, well OK a lot, and I know, for some, this is not becoming of a lady of my years and stature :-).  Whilst I can endeavour not to use bad language out of laziness or lack of vocabulary, and I do once in while replace a profanity with a less offensive work, but once I start replacing too many ‘fuckings’ with ‘frickin’s’, or start using words like darn, flip or bar-steward, that’s when I know that I’m mincing too far into Ned Flanders territory and that’s not me I’m afraid.


OK, I don’t know how to break this to you, but I’m quite an angry person sometimes, and every now and then need to go off on one (see below), and get something off my chest.  As I tend to scare the living shit (sorry, do-do) out of some people when I do, I let off steam on here.  Some people like it, some don’t, but please try and tolerate it folks, just think of the aftermath of one of my shit storms on the citizens poor old London town…..


I also, obviously, blog about my depression and the effect it has on me, and sometimes this might be a bit depressing to read….


I’m starting to realise that saying I’m an acquired taste is quite possibly the understatement of the year.

I thought I was perhaps in the region of marmalade, Marmite and blue cheese, but all of the above areas are all part of one big contraversial blog which probably makes some of my entries more along the lines of wasabi, chocolate locusts and uncooked kangeroo dick.

But what can I say?  This is who I am, this is what I need to say, this is who I need to be.


On the plus side, I do write about the creative stuff I do, have great taste in music, am an enthusiastic cook, so I’ve managed to coax in some precious followers 🙂 so I must be doing something right!

So I decided to see who was seeking or happening on my little page, and found my answer on my Top Searches and Top Post for this week.  Oh dear:

TOP POST – ‘So Now I’m Wearing No Knickers….’  Which is not about sex.  I’ve even put an entry on my site so that anyone look for cheap thrills does not waste their time sniffing around on here.

TOP SEARCHES – ‘no knickers, i ware no knickers, wearing no knickers, “no knickers” story’

You dirty, dirty, dirty bastards….

I’m clearly in the wrong market here. Shame I’m too old (and have too weak a stomach) to go down the Belle de Jour route, and anyway, you pervs, surely there’s more sexually exciting things to hunt down than ‘i ware (sic) no knickers’?!  What about dogging, orgies, rimming and fisting? Diversify!  Get a life, already!

I do however hold a little hope deep in my battered heart that whoever was looking for ‘the “no knickers” story’ was hunting down mine, and if that is true then bless you sir, I appreciate you swinging (ahem) by!

OK it seems that all I can really do is keep doing what I’m already doing and hope I grow on people.  Like mould on Stilton.

Apart that is, from asking you to, if you like one of my articles, would you consider sharing it with a friend?

If so it would be so much appreciated.

Thank you lovelies x



  1. lol, nice post. You can call me OM if you would like, harsh sounds like the bad guy from a sub par movie lol. I like your front page, it makes mine look dreary. 😦

  2. The search that led me to your blog was “depression”. I appreciate what you write about and look forward to reading future posts. Thank you :o)

  3. hi thanks for reading my stuff, i feel an affinity with your writing now that i’ve noticed you, cos i’m an undiagnosed depressive, and am also scared of coming out of the writing closet (only one or two friends know), maybe you can agree with the thoughts of my Self Doubt and The song of the singer.

    and ye Harsh Reality (or Harshy as i think of him) is pretty opinionated 🙂 another that i follow with a smile 🙂

    • Absolutely. I love your poetry, it’s so innovative and authentic, makes my look like limericks!

      I’ve spilled so much out on here now, I don’t know how I’d feel if people I knew read it, plus there is a whole lot more on here than any of them need (or probably wish) to know!

      So very nice to meet you, looking forward to reading more of your stuff x

    • PS anytime you want to chat on here feel free to post, will help if I can. It’s a scary place to be, but the plus part is that you are young and have time to work through and learn how to manage this stuff. In return you can mention me when you publish your first book of poetry

  4. PS anytime you want to chat on here feel free to post, will help if I can. It’s a scary place to be, but the plus part is that you are young and have time to work through and learn how to manage this stuff. In return you can mention me when you publish your first book of poetry 😉

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