Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….




I had a rather chilling glimpse of the future tonight.

Not in the form of a ghost; I’ve seen a few spectres in my time so that wouldn’t have bothered me too much.

It was alive.

Nor was it silently pointing.

It talked.  A lot.

Nor did it show me my grave.

More unnervingly, it showed me my life as it was a living, breathing mirror held up to my face, showing me what might become of me if I let fear rule my life, and continue to cringe, hide and stagnate.

It spoke of misery and hopelessness.  Despair and paralysing powerlessness, a living, breathing, yawning chasm of need and desperation that will never really be filled or satiated.

It was a magnet facing the wrong way around, repelling not attracting and never understanding why, unable to spin, turn and draw that which it needed toward it, condemning it to a life of poverty in heart, body and soul.

I see the beauty, the heart, the goodness within.  But it scares me so, I have to fight my own horror, garner my courage, look it in the eye and abide with it awhile.

But I cannot save it.  I can only be a friend and hope it finds it’s way.

Spirit, tell me that this is the ghost of whom I may be, and not a vision of whom I will be, and that I can depart from that course in life and change my Easter future?

No answer.

But I can tell you one thing.  There will be chocolate.



  1. freedom is as thin as a layer of paint.
    and within that layer are many possible choices.
    like…Galaxy or Flake, Aero or Orio 🙂

  2. I can relate to this one from both sides of looking glass. I have at different times of my life, been the one observing ( even judging ) and at the other times, the one being observed. 🙂 Both are indeed scary at times. AWESOME write! Very much enjoyed!

    • Thank you! Likewise! Unnerving isn’t it. I’m a terrible control freak nowadays though and hate the thought of relying too much on anyone else and it’s such a slap in the face to see first hand how you might be perceived by others and how much hard work we can be to be around. Total wake up call :-s

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