There is a lot of postings and resulting debate on WordPress today with regard to how you can increase the number of followers to your blog, so I decided to pitch in with a few pearls of wisdom.
One very popular and successful blogger, a Ms http://catherineryanhoward.com/2013/04/03/how-to-get-people-to-read-your-blog puts it down to three key action points.
I can beat that; I can sum it up in one sentence.
Write a posting with the word ‘knickers’ in it.
The above is the post I wrote some months ago and when I look at the top Search Engine terms that have delivered readers to my lair, most of them have the word ‘knickers’ in them.
As you can see, the post doesn’t have to be pervy. It doesn’t even have to be sexy. Hell it doesn’t even have to be funny. Just use the word ‘knickers’ somewhere in the heading and I guarantee you that you’ll be inundated with perverts.
Would you like to know the Top 10?
10. ‘”no knickers” story’ – I’d like to think that this man found my post amusing and is looking for it so he can read it again. Unlikely.
9. ‘Doing headstand waring (sic) no knickers – It’s not enough to have an absence of panties. This guy wants to scrutinise.
8. ‘I think I’m wearing no knickers’ – Ooh, saucy! Likes to be teased….
7. ‘I can see you have no knickers’ – Why? Am I doing a headstand?
6. ‘Wear no knickers’ – Assertive
5. ‘Without knickers’ – What you don’t even want her to own any?!
4. ‘Teen is wearing no knickers’ – Nonce
3. ‘Going out with no knickers’ – Hopefully not in this weather
2. ‘Wearing no knickers’ – Succinct and to the point
And Number One, drum roll…….
1. ‘NO KNICKERS’ – Desperate for a wank
What I don’t understand is how these search terms led these sad old desperadoes to my blog? Isn’t there any good knickerless porn out there for them? If not, someone is missing an big opening (sorry) in the market here.
And no, I haven’t tested this on Google, how would I be able to face the man in the Apple shop if I have to get my iMac repaired?
I’ve also had some knickerless pervy searches too:
The Top 3:
3. ‘Wearing no bra or underwear on a bus’ – OK I can see how that might have matched my post. You are forgiven, freak boy.
2. ‘Where are all the ho’s’ – I’m sorry?!
1. ‘Sertraline Porno’ – WTF?!!
I must be a very skilled writer of pornography if (a) I don’t even know I’m writing it, (b) right now i couldn’t give a shit about sex and (c) I haven’t had any for two years.
But apparently it doesn’t matter. I am, it seems, a wanker magnet without even trying.
So there you go, it’s all about the ‘knickers’!
Don’t thank me, you’re more than welcome 🙂
And just in case you don’t want to leave anything to chance, try this:
Tits, willy, bum, fanny, bum hole, minny, nunny, balls, nips, tit wank, front bottom and boobies.
There you go. With this kind of skill, experience and wisdom you too may reach the dizzying heights of under 100 followers.
Just call me Vagina Woolf….. 🙂