Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….




I did a good three hours of yoga this morning.

When it’s like this, I wonder why I deprive myself of this gift, especially when it’s so accessible.  All I need is a bit of space, a willing heart and my mat.

As always I had a creaky start, everything felt a bit stiff and then as my body started to free and loosen, all I can hear is Libby’s dulcet tones talking me through the movements, all I can feel is my body broadening, stretching and grounding, and something very close to peace fills my entire being.

Even the cats chill out, and crouch purring on the couch, watching me flow through my routine as if I was a performing seal or something.

Then, halfway through my session, as I came up from a forward bend to standing, something in my head went weird.  Surprised, I staggered a little, as my vision suddenly swam and my hearing kind of, well, cut off.

You know when you are watching a movie or TV show online and it freezes, and the circle thing appears whirling endlessly whilst it buffers?

Well, you will if you’re with BT 😦 .

Anyway it felt like that was happening in my head.

Could this be one of those disembodied entities try to communicate with the Empath me?  If so, it’s timing was shit.  Make an appointment, fella!

‘Oh no, a stroke!’, shrieked the Chicken Licken side of me, careering around wildly, shedding feathers and plopping big splats of guano all over the place, ‘that’s what you get when you neglect your body all this time!  Flee, flee!’

Whereas the chilled (a.k.a. drugged), trusting, trainee Yogi said Relax. This is a good thing.  Let it happen.’

I must have been stood stock still for a good five minutes.  Had the cats been paying customers, they’d have probably started booing and pelting me with rotten fruit.

But instead of shaking my head like a dog with a bee in its ear, or hurtling into the bathroom to see if my face was on fire (that ad about the warning signs for strokes gives me nightmares), I stayed where I was for what seemed like an eternity, then all of a sudden, I swear I heard something click like the cog in a wheel, and then low and behold, normal service had resumed.


Then and only then did I carefully and gingerly rotate my head and shake my limbs, just to check that they were all still in working order.  And they were, once again, good to go.

I dropped back into child’s pose for a spell, rewound my CD and restarted my session from where I last remember leaving off, and when I had finished around 90 minutes later, I felt amazing.

I still have no idea what happened.  My friend said it might be something to do with awakening chakras.  I thought I might have come up too fast from my forward bend and dazed myself, or maybe I pinched a cranial nerve or something.  This kind of thing happens to us old folk y’know.

Whatever it was, I’m glad that I’m starting to be more trusting, less pessimistic and that I went with the flow for once.  Because even if the sky is about to fall, there is precious little I’d be able to do about it.

A good friend once said to me ‘Brood over something and it will grow’ which I thought was a great bit of advice, especially if concerned about a problem, a zit or the size of your arse, so I am going to try very hard not to brood, worry, fret or indeed wallow anymore.

I also have a mantra that I used to use when late for work or a meeting.  It went:

Everything’s good, everything is fine, everything’s good, everything is fine, good, fine, good etc.

OK, so it’s not exactly Hare Krishna and it can get a little frantic at the end, but I swear to you, it did actually work.  The train would turn up on time, the bus wouldn’t be full and if I was late, I’d somehow manage to sneak in unscathed, so you can probably make up one of your own.

Did you think the same person who was practically suicidal Easter weekend could be spouting off such positivity today?

Such is the power of yoga my friends.  And if I don’t do at least an hour every single day, you have my permission to come round armed with some out of date bagged salad and your best pitching mitt and join my cats on the sofa.

Peace, love and namaste x


5 thoughts on “A STROKE OF INSIGHT

  1. How AWESOME for you! I feel that way when I WAS taking my daily hikes! LOVE those Endorphins! Almost better than SEX lol, used to be) ! 🙂

  2. I couldn’t possibly say, I can’t remember….. 😉

  3. I have never tried but would so love to ‘get’ yoga….wish I’d also ‘got’ how Easter was for you, give me time, I’ll get there on both counts! Big love x

  4. I am so going to steal your everything’s good everything’s fine mantra!

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