Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….

EAR WORM No. 4 THE KILLERS – Mr Brightside

2 Comments

I slept badly last night, and this fucking song has embedded itself deep in my ear and is driving me crazy.

All those years I worked with D, I told myself I never had a thing for him and I feel like a total eejit ‘cos he’s married with a kid now and had I been able to admit it, make myself vulnerable, and take the risk of rejection, who knows what might have happened?

And now that I’ve admitted it, it hurts and whilst I’ve always said that i wasn’t a jealous person, the realisation is that I’ve never allowed myself to care enough for good looking men to be made jealous, but boy am I making up for it now!

D doesn’t know this and as far as I’m concerned, he’ll never know. Pride is a terrible thing, but right now, it’s all I have. And I want him to be happy.

I think.

Wake up Sista, unless you are reincarnated, there is no going back, there is only forward, so get this out of your system and move the fuck on before it’s too late and you’re too old/wizened/jaded/afraid to meet anyone else.

In the meantime, I’m going to have to secretly block D’s posts, ’cause to be honest?

I just can’t look, it’s killing me…..

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2 thoughts on “EAR WORM No. 4 THE KILLERS – Mr Brightside

  1. Great Song 🙂
    Try not to dwell on the things that have gone by,
    i know it’s difficult from my lifetime of could haves.
    By telling you this, i’m reminding myself 😉
    these people that linger in our thoughts, maybe everyday if they’re FB friends or off-line friends, they continue their own life, oblivious to the pain, or they notice and we lie so as to not confuse them.
    i’ve lied my thoughts away too many times, (me, sad? naa, jus feeling poorly) even to myself, each time i think i will be more honest the next time hehehehehe
    maybe oneday 🙂

  2. It is, isn’t it? It might have been ‘It Shoulda Been Me’ 😉
    Just after I posted this, he posted more photos of the happy day so I’ve blocked seeing them until I feel better about it. He’s a nice guy, she’s a nice woman and they deserve to be happy. The utter bastards. 😉
    That whole adage about regretting what you didn’t do on your death bed instead of what you did do totally speaks volumes right now. Lesson learned!
    Who’d have thought a random kiss from a stranger would set so much in motion?!
    Tomorrow is another day for both of us my friend, onwards and upwards x

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