Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….





Another day has dawned, and yup I’m still here….


Still tired?   Check.

Still afraid?   Check.

Still antisocial?  Check.  Which is a little inconvenient as I have a date with guy number three, whom I have dubbed City Boy.

And I intend to keep it.  Not because I have much hope that we’ll like one another, let alone find each other attractive, or have any sexual chemistry.  But because I want to get out of the habit of cancelling stuff, as I’m getting a bit better at it now.

Plus it’s always good blog material ;-).

Also if he arrived, took one look at me, and ran out of the coffee shop screaming ‘My eyes, my eyes, someone pass me some bleach!’ I don’t think it would make me feel any worse than I do now, so, hell, bring it on sucker!

Plus Goatee Man is still in touch but is being a bit ‘chase me’, which drives me crazy.  By ‘chase me’ I mean….well here’s an example of a text he sent the other day:

‘Hi Sista, just thought I’d drop you a line to see how your week is going!  Anyway say hi to the cats for me! GM x’


So, all a bit Duncan Norvelle (older British readers should get this reference) really, which is neither masculine nor sexy. 😦

I have to assume that (a) he likes me in some capacity and (b) he wants to meet up, so why doesn’t he man up and say so?  To date he just waits for me to suggest meeting, what to do and where to do it, and quite frankly, right at this moment in time, I don’t need it because I’m not on form.  Even if we’re just friends he needs to try and get a little more proactive and make some kind of effort, as I don’t run after or carry any man.  Period.  Plus I’m pretty sure I said I liked alpha males not wimpy, limp ninnies on my dating profile….

Oh dear, I’m clearly still feeling a little snappy….

Anyway, I’m up, washed and dressed and onto my second cup of tea, so I survived the night relatively intact.

One thing I noticed though; whenever I feel this bad and the Fear is at full force, if I look out the window, nine times out of ten the full fucking moon will be there, all bloated and cheesy, glowing at me conspiritally, and last night, I could have swore that I saw it wink….

And I wondered, does the full moon, or do the cycles of the moon have a direct effect on depressives and/or empaths?

Of course, we all know the term ‘lunatic’ derives from latin word ‘luna’ which means moon, and lots of evidence points to this.  A&E rooms are more busy as people have more accidents, there are more crimes committed; I know this because I used to date a policeman whose birthday happened to be on Halloween, and the crime rate used to soar on that particular night….

But that’s a whole other story….

And why wouldn’t the moon affect us?  It rules the tides, and we are, after all, 50-60% water.

I’ve established the fact that I’m Empathic/HSP and when I think about it I’ve always felt quite tuned into the weather.  I lived in Australia for a while and after the novelty of the hot beach lifestyle wore off, I very much missed the changing of the seasons and it would get me down a bit.  I also feel restless and can get migraines before thunderstorms but absolutely love thunder and lightening once it gets going.  Hot sunny days can either cheer me up or get me down, cool breezy forests fill me full of peace, and wet days can either wake me up and or really make me low, no doubt depending on where that damn moon is and what it’s up to.

I’d really like to know more though; not because I could do something about it, as the moon does what it’s always done and doesn’t give two shits about me.  But I could make sure I’m with people, go out dancing to kill the blues, and if all else fails, get someone to chain me up in the attic….

Does anyone else find that they are affected by the full moon in any capacity?



2 thoughts on “OLD DEVIL MOON

  1. Im always affected by the full moon. Dont ever even need to check, i know when it comes. Im moody, cant sleep, world seems like a bag of boring groceries, but usually thats the time im inspired to write 🙂

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