Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….




I’ve always liked hares.

They seem, to me, to symbolise freedom and joie de vivre, and whilst you’ve gotta love a bunny, they have a certain ‘fuck you’, cheeky insouciance that rabbits don’t.

So when one popped up in my dream last night, I sat up and took notice.

Dream as follows:

I’m on a train platform, clearing junk out of what used to be my business car, an Audi A3.  This thing is like a cross between a tardis and a bottomless pit as the crap just keeps on coming.  Sticky bags and dusty boxes of files, papers, toys, books, business documentation, office equipment.  I’m upending this stuff endlessly into bin bags with the help of a couple of friends/ex work mates.  The boss appears, boards one of the trains and asks me to find something she lost on a nearby five mile plot of land for her.  I feel irate, tired and stressed and wonder when I’ll be able complete this task to catch a train home too.

I look into the car and it’s now a old train carriage stuffed with boxes of shit, bags of straw, bits of wood and other stuff.

I pull a bag out.  It’s wriggling.  I drop it, and out run a family of rats. Someone tries to hurt the rats but I stop them.

Then another bag moves.  I step away from it and watch.

Out limps a thin, dull eyed, ratty, half starved hare.

I’m astonished, then horrified, mortified and consumed with guilt.  It must be three years since I used this car, has she been trapped in there since then?  How on earth has she survived?

I tentatively reach out to stroke her and only just manage to touch her back (I can feel the vertebrae of her spine, her fur is greasy and she has bugs stuck to her skin) as she shies away, turns, and creeps carefully back into the car/carriage.

I inwardly groan; she can’t stay in there.

But how can I get her back out?

Suddenly a beautiful red leash appears before my eyes.

Then I wake up.

The message is clear.

I’m the hare, and I need to keep working on getting back my health so that my natural joie de vivre returns, but clearly I have to drag myself kicking and screaming back into the real world first.


I just hope that’s a very strong leash….



6 thoughts on “HARE TODAY….

  1. This is one of the realistically surreal things i have read. Wow.

  2. Maybe the rats mean that as well as the joie de vivre you have some self you consider not so desirable. But it’s there & you protect that part of yourself despite not really liking it. And it can co-exist with the joie de vivre within you.

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