An opportunity has presented itself to me today that has left me feeling a combination of wildly differing, conflicting emotions.
Whilst in a fug of depression, distortion and pain the other week, I went through the motions of filling out a few application forms for jobs and voluntary work, not for one moment thinking any of them might come off, and in a matter of hours, duly forgot all about them.
If you’d asked me what they were for this morning, I honestly couldn’t have told you.
But today I was sent an application pack to interview to become a helpline operator for a rape and sexual abuse charity.
It’s voluntary, unpaid and will require some training and at least a years commitment but it’s not full time, I would potentially be something I’m good at and I could at last make a difference in a world where I sometimes, no, often feel I have no purpose.
Obviously my medical record might get in the way of this, and being an Empath I’d have to be careful to establish boundaries, plus I’d probably need to talk to Aunty C (my counsellor) about whether she thought I was up to it (she’s away so doesn’t even know about my remembering what happened to me all those years ago), but this could be a way of making something good out of something so very bad, and giving support, comfort and succour to other victims of sexual abuse so that they don’t get lost in a shit storm, bottle it all up and let it poison them, resulting in their distrusting anyone with a dick, like I did.
Maybe, just maybe, this could be a real turning point for me, I really, really hope so….