Had a particularly heavy session with Aunty C today about the Fear, plus heard about something terribly tragic that happened to a friend of mine, so in order to cheer myself up, I decided to clean my kitchen from top to toe, in lieu of the imminent ‘Baking Police’ inspection.
Yes folks, I certainly know how to live….
When it comes to chores like this, you need something to help you through. I mean, you spend hours cleaning grease and filth from the ceiling, the top of cupboards, inside cupboards (WTF? How?!!), the contents of said cupboards, under the fridge, and not to mention, the dreaded inside of the oven, and when you’re done, and you stand back and look at your handiwork, you can barely notice the difference?
Not fun. So I had my iTunes on shuffle to keep my spirits up.
When my music library decided, in it’s infinite wisdom, to play some really morose stuff, I had to get down off the step ladder, take off my rubber gloves and go and change it to something more upbeat before I decided to Hara Kiri myself with the hand blender, so I decided to listen to some Salsa.
In no time at all, I’m having a little shimmy whilst shining the windows, giving it ‘back basic’ whilst bleaching the sink, and doing a little rueda for one whilst raking out the revolting contents of the vegetable basket.
After a while the gunk started to get to me, so I made myself a cuppa and went to check my emails, but even seated, I couldn’t stop wiggling, much to the disgust of Dexter cat who quickly dismounted from my lap, digging his nails into my bare legs for good measure.
Then when this track, ‘Hoy Tenemos’ by Sidestepper came on, I thought ‘Sod it’ and got up for a proper boogie.
There is a full length mirror in my spare room, so I checked out my style whilst giving it some, just checking out whether I still knew all the moves.
And you know what, it’s like riding a bike, it all comes back once you get going. I even had a go at that shoulder shake/shiver thing Latinos do so well. You know, the one that looks like the kind of thing a cold dog would do if it felt someone walk over it’s grave, but mine always was, and still is a bit slow. Then again, the twins kind of make it a bit difficult 😉
So there I am, wiggling away like a proper Chica, when I happen to glance out of the window and see some bloke at the bus stop grinning straight up at me.
My immediate instinct is to drop to the floor and hide, I feel so stupid and exposed, not to mention disgusting with my greasy face and hair all piled up on my head, but I manage to resist the urge, grin back, shrug my shoulders and he laughs. I nod, laugh too and go to move away from the window, but he waves his hands around like he is signaling a plane to land.
I frown and tilt my head to indicate confusion.
He points at the pavement.
I shrug again theatrically. Has he dropped something?
He mouths something and does it again.
This is getting awkward; he’s kind of killed my groove, my hands are feeling dry and that floor won’t clean itself, so I shake my head sadly shrug again, and make to move away.
He flaps his arms again wildly.
Then I get it.
Come down. Come here.
Then I manage to lip read.
He’s wants to talk to me before his bus comes.
‘Right now!’ he’s saying.
Which is a huge coincidence as that is a line from the song, not to mention a fucking miracle, as I look like shit.
This is ridiculous; I want to move away and get on, but I’m trying to refuse politely so not getting very far. Then, finally when he mimes some kind of jiggy jiggy hip thrust actions, leaving no doubt to his dishonorable intentions, I do finally hit the floor and Get Down (as James would say) and crawl carefully on my hands and knees back to the kitchen.
Dirty Bastard. I am now a bit freaked out and worried that I have a salsa lovin’ stalker.
But also ludicrously flattered that I can pull looking like this. Yes I know, there’s about a hundred yards and two floors between me and him, but clearly my Latin moves haven’t lost their charm.
Maybe it’s time to go back to salsa, and maybe even one day consider doing the ‘horizontal tango’ again.
It won’t be Right Now though.
But not altogether out of the question. Like the song says, all we have is today, tomorrow? Who knows?