Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….

I’M LATE, I’M LATE….

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Yes, its me, Ms Tardy for the Party, as per usual.

What I am late for this time?  

Well pretty much everything actually.

Advancing in my yoga, setting up my business, my hideous fledgling novel on ‘na noo na noo’ or whatever they call it (and only three days in too!) and of course, achieving my aims and resolutions for this year.

And only eight weeks to go.

Of course I have realised that my advancement relied and relies on so much more than mere box ticking and that advancements, especially spiritually, have taken place that I never thought possible.

I also finally realised that I’ll never totally beat this condition; it is a part of me that I will always have to manage, make allowances for and nurture myself in it WITHOUT letting my FEAR rule me or allowing myself to hide from the world.

From a financial aspect, 2013 has cost me greatly, as I have not earned anything, not claimed any benefits and have gradually eaten away at my savings, but without this time away from the rat race I might not even be alive, so whilst I am poor I have much to be grateful for.

My main hurdle for the latter part of 2013 is to do those things for myself that only I can do, but for some reason deprive myself out of fear, self loathing, self protection or whatever.

I haven’t done an update for a couple of months and when I tried to today, I realised that I had let a lot slip AGAIN and am sat metaphorically on the school bus feverishly scribbling down my homework.

But I can’t explain how hard it it to motivate myself and get past my terror of ‘I don’t know what’ when I am for the most part all alone, and can get away with hibernating without anyone getting on my case about it.

But I can, must, WILL keep trying.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow…..

I will hold off doing a proper update until the end of the year, when, I hope to have a gleaming school report, resplendent with gold stars!  Or big, splatty inkblots more like….

Thank you for your patience and big love to all xxxx

 

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2 thoughts on “I’M LATE, I’M LATE….

  1. Thank you for checking in

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