Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….

IT’S ‘JUST ONE THING’ MY SOUL MAY BE FEELING

9 Comments

Image

Sorry for the radio silence.  Have had just had three days of hell, brought on by yet another frigging birthday, having to resort to applying for benefits and the betrayal of a friend which left me a knuckle biting, goggle box watching, contracted, balled up, terrified wreck who ground her teeth to a bloody mess every night.  And it’s a bugger to get those pillowcases clean afterwards!

I wasn’t rendered completely inactive though.

Unfortunately.

I’ve had to ban myself from eBay after incessant stalking of Joyce McKinney levels via the ‘ending soon’ option, and have spent a small fortunate on stuff I don’t really need, just to distract me from the pain of my crisis which was threatening to obliterate me.

So it felt like I couldn’t get any lower.

But I’m alive, I have a roof over my head, and I have options. But it’s up to me to take direct action in order to change my situation.

Plus I got an email from my very own celebrity stalker, Dr Rick Hanson.

Ole Rick’s always emailing me.  I mean it’s getting embarrassing, and there are days when I open the message, stare at his perky, happy, successful visage and think ‘You again? Really?!  Back the hell off, geezer!’ but there is no doubt he means well, and today’s missive totally hit the spot, so, as it’s not on his website yet, I thought I’d share it with you.  I’ve bolded the bits that resonate the most with me.

The Practice 
Keep going.

Why?

I once attended a workshop led by Joseph Goldstein, a Buddhist teacher. I had realized something about the lack of a fixed self, and shared the insight with him. He nodded and said, “Yes, right.” I felt seen for taking a step forward. Then he smiled and added something I’ve never forgotten: “Keep going.”

Of all the factors that lead to happiness and success – such as class origins, intelligence, personality, character, looks, luck, race – the one that typically makes the most difference over time is persistence. Knocked down ten times, you get up ten times.

If you keep going, you might not reach your goal – but if you stop, you’ll never reach it.

We respect people who persist. There’s a magic in determination that draws others toward it and elicits their support.

And you just don’t know when your day will finally come. There are so many stories of “overnight success” that actually arrived after many years of effort, often including some failures. For example, Dwight Eisenhower was an obscure colonel in 1939 – and nearly forty-nine years old – when Germany invaded Poland to begin World War II; four years later he was in charge of all Allied forces in Europe; nine years after that he was elected president.

How? 

Make sure your goals are worthy of your perseverance. You can be determined to a fault. Don’t “keep going” down a tunnel with no cheese. Consider the collateral damage: are you winning battles but losing the “war” of overall health, well-being, integrity, and welfare of others?

Know the feeling of tenacious persistence. It could be fierce, strong, stubborn, unyielding, clear, inspired, surrendered, on-mission, purposeful, focused, committed – or all of these. Recall a time you had this feeling, and know it again in your body. Call it up whenever you need to draw on resources inside to keep going.

Take the step that’s right in front of you – one after another. I’ve taught many people to rock climb: Beginners will often have one foot down low and one foot at knee level, on solid placements, plus two good handholds, yet they can’t find any new holds, so they feel stuck. But when they simply stand up on the higher foothold – taking the step that’s available – that brings higher handholds and footholds within reach.

Find the pace you can sustain; life’s a marathon, not a sprint. For example, on my first Boy Scout backpack trip, I was a skinny, nerdy, unathletic kid. But I wanted to be the first to our campsite. We set out and the burly “alpha” boys raced ahead, while I kept up a slow-but-steady pace. After a few miles, I passed them sitting down on the side of the trail. They were startled to see me trucking along and soon got up and raced past me. But after another few miles, once again they were laid out by the side of the trail, this time really fried as I walked past them – and I was very happy to get the first, really cool tent spot.

Keep going in your mind even if you can’t make any headway in the world. Maybe you’re truly stuck in some situation – a job, an illness, a certain sort of marriage. But at least you can continue to reflect on what’s happening, learn to cope with it better, and love the people around you. And over time maybe things will improve. As Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

Have faith that your efforts will pay off. You may have heard this teaching story: A bunch of frogs fell into a vat of cream. They couldn’t jump out, and one after another drowned. But one frog refused to quit and kept swimming and staying alive, even after all the other frogs had died. Finally its movements churned the cream to solid butter – and it hopped out to safety.

Keep churning!

Isn’t he annoying?!  One of those ‘lemons to lemonade’ types, whereas no doubt I’d cut the lemon in two, bite down on half of it, squirt the other in my eyes then apply it to a particularly deep paper cut, such is my desire for self destruction….

Image

But, all joking aside, the one thing that made my ears prick up in this instance was his reference to tenacious persistence.

I know I have this in spades. Trouble is it only comes out in bad situations where i feel I need to defend myself, and then I’m a like a rottweiler on steroids with an elastic band around it’s balls.  Furious, dogged (sorry), committed and determined, I hang in there, fight clean, fight dirty, and ‘never stop fighting till the fight is done’.

So why can’t I harness this trait and use it for positive things instead of attack mode?  It’s possible. Isn’t it?

So from now on, before I hit the hay, I’m going to write a list of what I want/need to do the next day.  I may not do all of them.  Hell I may not do any of them.  But at least I’ll try.

I’m going to try and fight my urge to procrastinate by watching bad TV, unnecessary eBaying, playing scrabble and fannying around on the internet.

I’m going to try and fight for a better life, fight to make people see and treat me better, fight for my rightful place in this world, fight my shame and self recrimination, and show those nagging, tormenting mind monkeys of mine where the door is.

I’m not always well or motivated enough to read all of Rick’s emails, but when I do I find that they are always compassionate, practical and inspiring and it won’t hurt you to subscribe to them as there are days when they are the only thing that get me out of my pit.

So whilst the image of buttery frogs makes me want to break out garlic and breadcrumbs à la française, I’ll try to keep churning and not disintegrate into a pool of congealed mess every time something or someone hits me.

And there’ll be more missiles to come; i can feel it.

But that’s life, isn’t it?

Dontcha just lurve Karma folks? 😉

Namaste x

http://www.rickhanson.net/writings/just-one-thing

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “IT’S ‘JUST ONE THING’ MY SOUL MAY BE FEELING

  1. I hate the perky advice when I feel like crap, and the world is full of crap, and my mind is full of crap. However, turn that persistence around. It was the only thing I had to hang onto. I’m not saying I’m better, and all the bad times are behind me, by my determination is paying off. That, and a new medication.

    He’s right….keep going!

  2. Super post. Perseverance is a virtue.

  3. I’ve been right to the mucky bottom of that black hole – measured the mud, counted the rats – so at the risk of sounding like one of the Lemonade Brigade (or Pollyanna, who was a nauseating brat probably strangled in adolescence) here’s a tip that I found helped. I suddenly realised (I’m slow) that since no one asked my forgiveness for existing, being who they were or doing what they did, or my permission for any of the above, there was no reason in hell why I should either. The gurus tell me it’s called ‘reclaiming your personal power’. Don’t know, but I do know that I still fall into the unworthy/grovel/huniliation trap occasionally, and have to remind myself that I’m here, aren’t I? Which means I have just as much right to exist as anyone else, and it’s about time I remembered it.
    Sorry to rave on, but I know how it feels: like shit.

  4. Then you persevere, ironically. }:)>

  5. When I originally left a comment I seem to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now whenever a comment is added I recieve 4 emails with the same comment. Perhaps there is an easy method you can remove me from that service? Thanks!

    • Hi Glutera, I don’t think you left a comment on this post and I have no active ping backs from what I can see so not sure what to advise? Also no one has comment since January so they’re probably not from my lot Sorry I can’t help more 😦

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s