Haven’t had a dream in a long time….
A game of two halves. That was yesterday.
Another pointless visit to Dr B, asking where the hell the cavalry is, after being left for over three months in personality disorder limbo. She’s as frustrated as I am.
Then a meeting with someone who could find me work in the future for BEING MYSELF.
It’s a long shot, I won’t deny it. This company are much sought out, specialist in their area of business and they have seen thousands of people in the last few days. And even if they take me on, there’ll be a financial outlay, and I wouldn’t be guaranteed work, consistent or otherwise.
I think they liked me.
I made them laugh.
It’s still a long shot.
My dreams aren’t like the dreams of others. I don’t want or expect fame, fast cars, a stunning husband, a holiday home in the Maldives or millions in the bank.
I just want to find a way forward to living the rest of my life authentically, healthily and safely, fully realised, instead of working for the man, playing the game, lying, manipulating and posturing, pretending to be ‘normal’ whilst my soul shrivels and dies, or just existing, scraping by, living hand to mouth and waiting for the hammer to fall.
I sometimes hate hope so much more than hopelessness. But in this case, I can’t douse this tiny persistent flame in my heart.
So God, if you’re listening, I don’t ask you for much.
But please, please, please? Let me get what I want.