This post was inspired by my old friend Mr Mary (http://aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/mrmary-responds-its-time-for-women-to-take-back-armpit-hair-seriously/) who very reasonably asks today, what is the big deal about women growing their armpit hair, along with bringing to our attention the activities of a group called ‘Armpits for August’ utilising this seemingly innocuous activity as a feminist statement, raising awareness for PCOS, and encouraging our most hirsuite sistas to be out, bristly and proud.
Friends from across the pond, is this for real?! I would never discriminate against any of my female brethren, hairy or otherwise, and I have a couple of friends with PCOS and know the side effects are numerous and hideous, and whilst raising awareness for charity is most admirable, I don’t think they’ve ever mentioned being treated badly by anyone because of it?
If I didn’t know better, I’d swear this was a faux news item on ‘The Day Today’ brought to us by an appalled Christopher Morris complete with clothes peg clamped over his nose and a weed whacker slung over his shoulder.
Then I noticed that, of course, bloody old sad sack Madonna is right in the thick(et) of things and treating us once again to yet another shot of her manky old body parts, and my irritation levels just soared….
Can I just say how BORED I am at having to look at even more of her cracks and crevices, because as it is, I could recognise her minny in a police line up and I’ve never even met the woman! I’m amazed she hasn’t braced her hairy/bleached/tattooed bum hole in our collective faces, such is her desperation to stay relevant and down wit da kids, and sorry to all you Madge fans out there, but it’s absolutely pathetic.
The same goes for Miley Cyrus (https://sistasertraline.wordpress.com/2013/09/02/weekly-writing-challenge-mind-the-gap-put-it-away-dear-weve-all-got-one/). No nobody is shocked dear, we’ve all seen it before, and to invert/paraphrase that old saying, nips/cracks/sphincters/flaps/pits are like opinions, everyone has them so what’s so special about yours?!
If you’re a hermaphrodite, I might favour you with a second glance out of sheer curiosity, but if not, put it away FFS, it’s TEDIOUS BEYOND BELIEF!
That said, Madonna and co, if you insist on getting your bits out and displaying them to as many people as possible, may I suggest that you contract an infection/do yourself a mischief and get yourself a guest spot on ‘Embarrassing Bodies’, as if you’re very lucky they might let you on a live clinic and you can point your flaps toward a webcam for all the world to see.
Just give me advance warning please, and I’ll remove the plug from my TV.
And possibly leave the country. Just to be on the safe side.
Sorry, where was I?
Ah, yes, armpit hair.
OK, so whilst I consider myself a feminist, the only hair a bushy pit lover would notice on me would be my huge hairy eyeball if I had to sit next to her in an office/on a plane/in a lift mid August and the air conditioning was down, as if she hadn’t used a full can of deodorant to cover all of her foliage adequately, she would, regrettably, stink.
Sorry. Call me superficial if you must, but I’m not keen on other peoples body odour. Mr Yoga Guru once hosted a talk last summer and he deliberately, proudly let himself get rank by not washing after practice for a few days, and I did not appreciate it at all. And when months later, he wanted to stay at my home, I remembered that I didn’t have a sheep dip installed outside my front door and he was unfortunately not allowed admittance, as my cats would have ended up spraying all over the place, just to outdo him and assert their dominance.
All joking aside ladies, I don’t go around peering up the sleeves of your respective jumpers, so I will echo Dave’s emotions and say do what thou wilt, just don’t shove it in my face a la Madonna, OK?
Because it might be big, but it certainly ain’t clever.