Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….




I’ve made a decision.

I’m going to come off my medication.

Well I’m going to try anyway, and will have to do it gradually but the intention is to be meds free ASAP and see how I get on from there.

I know it’s a risk and I know that I may have to do a swift about turn and get back on it if the whole thing backfires and I turn into a panic stricken, aggressive, super anxious, destructive, paranoid wreck, but I’m pretty sure that the reason I’m so stunted and not moving on any time soon with anything is because I’m so stoned on Sertraline.


Aunty C has been telling me this for years, and some of my friends think it’s a good thing because I’m all ‘Zen’ now (Hah!  If only they knew), but I think the final straw for me was the other night when after watching one of the saddest, most tearjerking programme that has been on TV for a long time, I was unable to shed a tear.

Even though I could feel myself practically boiling with emotion.  That can’t be right, can it?

Also last year I was told by a yoga teacher that all my chakras were blocked, and I’d never be able to get them active until I’m free of personality altering medication, and I’m starting to believe that she was right.

I am going to be a good, responsible Sista, go see Dr B, get some advice and do it under supervision, but I am going to do it, as I’m never going to be able to touch base with my true self whilst it’s being watered down like this.

Wait a minute, though?  If I’m not on sertraline anymore, how can I be Sista Sertraline?  This one pseudonym/identity has been the only surety in my life for the last 18 months or so, and it’s quite scary to think that I might have to give it up.

Who the fuck am I anyway?!


I guess we’re about to find out.

Be afraid.  Be very afraid…



  1. An über-cautious “yay” from me. I know this decision does not come lightly for you. I pray for an easy and complete transition.

  2. It sounds like the right thing to do because you recognise you want to do it. and intend doing it for yourself, and not because others suggested it. It will be a long process I’d imagine. I hope it goes well for you and your doctor supports your decision.

  3. Please take care to wean yourself off with support. And you will always be Sista, even if you drop Sertraline.

  4. A most bold and brave goal, Madame, yet, you approach it with all due pragmatism and discretion, for both execution and consequence.  Despite your admonition, there is no call for fright—care, yes; concerned interest, yes; not fright.  Just, please, keep us apprised of the progression.

    As for your nom de guerre/plume/keyboard, do excuse the repetitiveness (I have only so many thoughts, you understand), but, as I wrote on Sunday last, grasp tightly your title.  With or without psychotropics, you are still a beautiful Phoenix.  And, goddamn, are you ever still fighting!  (And, any consolation that this may offer, no matter what your appellation, you will always be a delightfully free-wheeling, frugging Carmelite to me.)

    So, let’s all buckle up, it should prove an exciting ride.  Vaya con huevos to us.  Everyone.  😉

  5. I’ve been where you are. I don’t like living the life with no emotions. You, can always be Sista whatever you want to be.

  6. A cautious ‘yay’ from me as well – your reasons for doing it make perfect sense, and I reckon by now Aunty C knows what she’s talking about.

  7. We’re here to support whatever you decide. Best wishes and love Sista! 🙂

  8. I’m rooting quietly and cautiously for you – and I’m very proud of the thoughtful way you are approaching this ((hugs)) Pace yourself 🙂

  9. You are fucking brave in so many ways. I want to come off mine eventually too, cause I hate being so dependent on the wonder syrup, but I really applaud you here ❤

  10. Pingback: FROZEN | Phoenix Fights

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