Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….

Until, one winter day, a sly wind blew in from the North…



Shit is going down.

I wish I could say that I’ve had a normal life, but that would be a lie.

I seem to have a number of lives within this one, always culminating in a big disaster, a cutting off and a move, usually geographical but not always.

In this instance, it is inevitable.  Pending.

As I have to be out of my flat soon, regardless as to whether I buy the multi flawed house I’ve made an offer on.

In a part of the country where there are major problems.

In a tiny village.

On a main-ish road (sorry cats).

With, like I say, some major issues to address.

So instead of facilitating a non 9-5 lifestyle, I would spend the rest of my days doting on this bitch only to keep her from collapsing in a heap.

I could have gotten something modern, brand new even, in a cul de sac with no major outgoings whatsoever.  But that would be too boring.  And too easy.

But I do love the house.  It called to me.  But all depends on whether the sellers will take my reduced offer.


This has been like playing poker with the Devil and being down to your last chip, as if this all falls through, I’m out of money, energy and time, so in a way it has to work.

Of course I’m afraid. When haven’t I been?!

However, this is a whole new level.

That said I have to have faith that, for once, the trickster is on my side.  In the Tarot, the Devil represents being restricted, held back, usually by a cell of one’s own making, so it’s down to me to finish the game and walk away triumphant.

Plus all the stars are aligned in my horoscope and screaming ‘For God’s sake, get off your ass and take a frigging chance!’, so as with my previous mini incarnations, the universe is making my decision for me and spitting me out and onto the next level.

And I’m relieved.  Because to live a half life in fear and uncertainty for so many years sucks the life out of a body.

London was never really my home.  It’s like a big plush waiting room, perfectly comfortable and accommodating, but no place to settle.

And that manipulative North wind whips up a storm every night, and will continue until I finally leave this place and move on, hopefully to a place I can call home.

Winter, it appears, is coming.

Whether I want it to or not.

Wish me luck.

Namaste x



14 thoughts on “Until, one winter day, a sly wind blew in from the North…

  1. I’m so excited for you, in a nervous way, lol!

  2. Good luck with your move. 🙂

  3. Synchronicity. You’ve been in my mind, and here you are! Is it resolved yet? Was your offer accepted? and yes, I’m pretty sure the universe does step in in the end.

    • No. It’s hit a road block. Beyond stressed. The universe is dicking me around again 😦 Hope all is well with you missus x

      • Buying and selling is top of the stress list. Been there, have several t-shirts. Experience says look for another house. Either you’ll find something better or this one will unblock. Maybe the universe is looking after you rather than dicking you around! Know this is a foreign concept, but I can prove its veracity. Added to this, ‘Action has genius, magic, and power in it.’ (Goethe) Also a foreign concept (for me at least) but also one I’ve embraced with good results. Anger helps – a bit of ‘up yours, Universe!’ Breaks the cycle of powerlessness (mine again).
        Alternatively come to Oz where one GBP = 2+ AUD, so you feel richer even if you aren’t! Lots of places for sale in my backwater.
        I am well but reading too much, doing too little. Need a writing project!

  4. Well, Madame, it is three-and-one-half months after this posting, during which time your
    Twitter-ing has contained a couple of suggestions that a migration has occurred.  So…

    1. If a relocation has been made,
        A. To the above described residence?  If not, where?
        B. To the above described village?  If not, where?
        C. To the above described region?  If not, where?
    D. How was your moving experience?
        E. How is your resettling coming along?
        F. How are your cats adjusting?
        G. How have interactions with your new community been?
        H. How are you feeling?  Please specify.
        I.  What else can you relate?

    2. If a relocation has NOT been made,
        A. Where do things presently stand?
        B. Please respond to Subordinate Questions H and I from Question 1.

  5. Endorsement of all questions above, threefold since I don’t twit so have no indications AT ALL. You could leave us blowing in the wind, but would that be kind? would it be good karma?
    Sending good vibes nonetheless.

      • Ave, Madame!
        A chorda mediastinus soror sertraline suae Salutem Plurimam Dicit et petit, “Quo vadis, periit mulierem dilectam?”

        (Hoping the Latin might spark a bit of Catholic guilt residue and stir a response. 😉)

      • Oh, yes, Madame—I know that you’re just biding time, waiting for Ms. Meikle and myself to skulk away (well, for me to skulk, for Ms. Meikle to exit in poised dignity.) We refuse.

        You can deny us to heart’s content, but, you remain in our thoughts, as we want every potential happiness and satisfaction for you.

        (And, may Ms. Meikle forgive my transgression of assumptive co-option.)

      • Ms Meikle does not consider herself co-opted. She is equally determined to provoke a response. Furthermore, poised dignity is way outside her catalogue of normal behaviours so exiting is out of the question.
        We CARE, you see. I realise that you might find this hard to believe, but lying was not acceptable in my childhood and my parents always caught me out, so it isn’t an art I’ve ever managed to master.
        It’s really, really simple. We just want to know where you are and how you are. PLEASE?

      • Oi! Testify, you scrappy sheila! Testify!

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