Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….


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DAILY PROMPT: In Loving Memory – EAT ME

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‘WRITE YOUR OWN OBITUARY’

‘Here I lie all spent and gone

I am dead but you’re not done

Much you took, but hear me, Living

I’m the gift that keeps on giving

 

Here I lie all spent and gone

But your greed it has not done

In life you took from me, but still

There’s yet the reading of the Will

 

But before you exit Hon

The giving is not as yet done

There’s my wake and if you might

Will you stay for a quick bite?

 

There is coffee, there is tea

Much for you, and much of me

For the main course is a roast

Of the girl you’ll miss the most!

 

Have some bicep, have some pec

Bite me, get it down your neck

Binge on this my last repast

You can even eat my ass

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Oh, you’re a veggie do you say?

Do not fret my friend, I pray

I will don a mushroom suit

And you can dine on my grey fruit

 

You going to pass? Well OK Honey

Just don’t think you’ll get my money

EAT ME, or you won’t make good

So lick it good just like you should

 

There! I knew you’d join the dots

A leopard does not change its spots

Have some wine my friend and pray

That it might take the taste away

 

You took in life, you take in death

But as I inhaled my last breath

You were not there to keen or mourn

I died alone, as I was born

 

So as you suck and gnaw my fingers

I pray that this grave lesson lingers

And you then know, my kith and kin

That you get out what you put in

 

Take my money, splurge and spend

But Death will come for you my friend

One day when you will lease expect it

Then you will leave the stage and exit

 

Will you give as much as taken

From your greed will you awaken

And vow to give and love enough

Cos in the end it’s all just stuff

 

You’ve ate your fill, oh praise the Lord

It’s time to go get your reward

I hope it feeds you and you find

I’ve left the best of me behind

 

Here I lie all spent and gone

I am dead so now we’re done

Much you took, but please do know

You only reep just what you sow

ELVISthankyou

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/in-loving-memory/

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YOUNG BPD WOMAN (Inspired by Maya Angelou)

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Pretty young women think they know my shit

I’m not cute, an old boot, gone down hill quite a bit

But the truth is much more,

Than I’d care to admit

I say

It’s in the storm in my heart,

The voice in my head,

That tells me I’m worthless,

And wish I were dead.

BPD woman

Unfortunately.

Old BDP woman,

That’s me.

I’d walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to men I would seem

Just a cold hearted tease

But some would still come,

The hunter, the sleaze

I say,

‘Twas the ice in my eyes,

And the curl of my lip,

The putdown, the shutdown,

The jut of my hip

The terror I hid ‘neath the sarcastic quip

I was woman

Cynically.

Cynical woman,

That was me.

Those men themselves wondered

What they saw in me.

They tried so much

But did not touch

My cold dark mystery.

I tried not to show them,

I’d not have them see

I’d say,

‘It was mark of my father,   

The scorn of his son

The fearing, the jeering

At school, from that scum

You think you can touch me?

Well think again, chum’

I’m a woman

Impenetrably.

Impenetrable woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Why I live alone

No family to love me

No real sense of home

BDP girls when you read this

Please learn from my poem

I’m BPD woman

So solitary

Solitary woman

That’s no way to be

Girl, your enemy is not without, It’s within

Don’t make others suffer

It wasn’t their sin

Try not to reject love

Before it begin

I say…..

Raise your chin, flash a grin

Bathe the world with your smile

For the love of another

Can make life worthwhile

Swing those hips

Shake those tits

For all you are worth

And try to find joy

On this place we call earth

And when demons rise up

All howling en masse

Take shelter and know

That this too shall soon pass

And accept some support

From your woman or man

For to struggle alone

Was not part of God’s plan

I say…

It’s the light in your eyes

The strength in your heart

Your youth and your beauty

That’s only the start

Of all that you are and are willing to be

BDP woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal BDP woman,

That is thee.

Namaste little sistas xxxx


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NAMASTE BITCHES

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I made it back

I hit the mat

But in my head are those mean twats

Who say that I should disappear

But I still made it, I’m still here

 

It is as tough as I recall

Some poses I can’t do at all

My muscles ache, my joints they creak

Whilst my demons hiss and speak

 

‘If your old workmates saw you now

They would seriously have a cow!

A teacher, you?!’ they laugh and jeer

‘So much for old ambitions, dear!’

 

And I’m ashamed, I must confess

Poor body, it’s in such a mess

Days, weeks, months, years, gone I know

I didn’t mean to neglect it so.

 

‘Get through this class, then move your ass

Go home and put it in the past

You know you’re not good at committing

Just hit that sofa, stick to knitting’

 

They have a point, I know they’re right

But I won’t go down without a fight

I may be tired and full of fear

But I’m still moving, I’m still here

 

Those years are dead and gone, God knows

As for tomorrow, fuck, who knows

I may just end up staying in bed

And let those bastards fill my head

 

But now, I’m present in the zone

And whilst I may still long for home

I move my ass, lunge, dip and breathe

And let those bastards curse and seethe

 

I’m looser now, I’m feeling lighter

If nothing else I’m still a fighter

So hear this demons, loud and clear

‘Namaste bitches, I’m still here’

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EVERYBODY LOVES YOU WHEN YOU’RE DEAD

Poem inspired by recent deaths, both in and out of the public eye, and the nature of modern ‘friendship’.

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Oh everybody loves you when you’re dead

Those accolades they go straight to your head

Well they would if it were there

Half mine’s splattered on the stair

Oh yes, everybody loves you when you’re dead

 

Everybody loves you when you’re gone

It helps that you don’t need them to lean on

You don’t lean on anything

When from a ceiling you do swing

In those darkest hours just before the dawn

 

Oh yes, you are adored when you’re no more

And not a living, frightened, needy bore

‘Oh I wish I’d known the score’

Well you would have, silly whore

If you’d gotten up and answered your front door

 

Everyone loves a funeral doncha know

It means you get to put on such a show

Of how much love you had

For this person oh so sad

That you hadn’t seen for, oh, 2 years or so?

 

And you always give good quote

And you’ll don black shades and coat

And you get to show off that new Prada tote….

 

And naturally the wake you will attend

And meet your buddy’s other lovely friends

And stories you will share

About the times so free from care

Or so it seems to suit you to pretend

 

So the next time you are needed, my dear friend

Perhaps you’ll help and be there till the end

As believe me, it is true

That one day it might be you

Who seeks that ole Grim Reaper to befriend

 

Everybody loves you when you’re dead

The eulogies they’d go straight to my head

If I could hear their song

But alas I’m dead and gone

As your words die, like your roses, so blood red

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Daily Prompt: Write Here, Write Now – I SAW YOU LOOKING AT MY TIT

Write a post entirely in the present tense.

This poem is dedicated to the young man who just did my ECG examination:

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I saw you looking at my tit

You went all red, you little git

And though I should be in a snit

I am amused, I must admit

 

I saw you looking at my bap

My cotton robe, it had a gap

I should have given you a slap

You sneaky, cheeky little chap

 

You took a peek at my booby

They’re not all that, you must agree

So I am pleased you’d want to see

The honkers of old, bonkers me

 

I caught you looking at my tit

Young man, so virile, strong and fit

And though I should be in a snit

I’m chuffed, you fluffed up little git

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http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/29/daily-prompt-now-2/


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TOFFEE APPLE KISSES (Inspired by “Philomena”)

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I saw you on the waltzers

To me you looked so cool

They way you leapt from car to car

And played for me, the fool

Your tight Levi’s, your muscled thighs

Oh they were just the start

But your toffee apple kisses, they went straight to my heart

 

I cursed my stupid uniform

My English Language folder

You didn’t mind though, you were kind

You said that I looked older

You bought for me a toffee apple

All crisp and sweet and tart

And then with a flick, of your tongue tip

You eased my lips apart

 

I’ve never had a boyfriend

I’d never had a kiss

I never thought, that what you taught

Could make me feel like this

The kiss did not stay on my mouth

It went core deep and low

And grazed me there, in that place where

Our priest said none should go

 

We held hands on the the boulevard

Strolled to the ‘Hog & Shed’

The lager top and fag ash clouds

Fair went straight to my head

You asked had I a boyfriend

And when I told you ‘No’

Your ‘special place’ we went

Behind the ‘Punch and Judy’ show

 

You said I shouldn’t be afraid

It wouldn’t hurt at all

You said it didn’t count

If we kept up against the wall

You asked why God would punish me

When we were going to do

The very thing that He made

Our bodies urge us do

 

And then you were inside me

And everything went white

The pain, the shame, the pleasure train

Shot out into the night

My first new bra was twisted

My kickers on the ground

And when you stopped, my toffee apple

Nowhere to be found

 

A year has passed since we last met

And much has come to pass

I’ve been disowned, thrown out of home

Was branded ‘tart’ and ‘brass’

The nuns they took my baby

The workhouse I did go

‘Repent thee Eve’ the sisters chide

‘You reap just what you sow’

 

You know it wasn’t OK

You knew it was a risk

You knew you took my maidenhood

The price – a candy kiss

I’d never have let you touch me

Had I known what comes to pass

From letting your goo inside my foo

As the cold brick scraped my ass

 

And now you’re nowhere to be seen

Or that’s what your friends say

You’re working down in Blackpool now

Or, some said, Whitley Bay

But one day this will catch you up

My tattoed gypsy beau

And then you’ll know, you seed did grow

And ‘You’ll reap just what you sowed’

 

I saw you on the waltzers

To me you looked so cool

They way you leapt from car to car

And played me for a fool

Your tight Levi’s, your pack of lies

They tore my life apart

But your toffee apple kisses, they went straight to my heart

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THE SUN ALWAYS SHINES ON TV

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I’ve hit the wall, and this I know

For me there’s just one room to go

Whilst there are places I could be

I’d rather stay and watch TV

Seconds, minutes hours and days

Are eaten up as I betray

All that I could work to be

But, I’m here, my dear, watching TV

Am I lazy?  Is it fear?

Or pain that keeps me sitting here?

Just how fucked up can I be?

God how I long just to be free

Of sleeping, waking, eating, shitting

And find a place that is more fitting

For a creature such as me

Who pores, eyes sore, at her TV

But I can’t keep on being a slob

As soon I’ll need to get a job

And walk the wheel, and watch the clock

And hope that opportunity will knock

Before despair devours my brain

And sends me totally insane

But today is not that day

And while I sit and watch, I pray

That I can get out on my own

And try and make this earth my home

But today, I will not move

As I don’t have the strength to prove

Anything to you or me

So I will stay and watch TV