I’ve made a decision.
I’m going to come off my medication.
Well I’m going to try anyway, and will have to do it gradually but the intention is to be meds free ASAP and see how I get on from there.
I know it’s a risk and I know that I may have to do a swift about turn and get back on it if the whole thing backfires and I turn into a panic stricken, aggressive, super anxious, destructive, paranoid wreck, but I’m pretty sure that the reason I’m so stunted and not moving on any time soon with anything is because I’m so stoned on Sertraline.
Aunty C has been telling me this for years, and some of my friends think it’s a good thing because I’m all ‘Zen’ now (Hah! If only they knew), but I think the final straw for me was the other night when after watching one of the saddest, most tearjerking programme that has been on TV for a long time, I was unable to shed a tear.
Even though I could feel myself practically boiling with emotion. That can’t be right, can it?
Also last year I was told by a yoga teacher that all my chakras were blocked, and I’d never be able to get them active until I’m free of personality altering medication, and I’m starting to believe that she was right.
I am going to be a good, responsible Sista, go see Dr B, get some advice and do it under supervision, but I am going to do it, as I’m never going to be able to touch base with my true self whilst it’s being watered down like this.
Wait a minute, though? If I’m not on sertraline anymore, how can I be Sista Sertraline? This one pseudonym/identity has been the only surety in my life for the last 18 months or so, and it’s quite scary to think that I might have to give it up.
Who the fuck am I anyway?!
I guess we’re about to find out.
Be afraid. Be very afraid…