Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….

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2016 – The Year Of ? (Make Plans, God Laughs)


Is it that time again already?

Yes folks, it’s the start of yet another 365 days on planet earth and I’m still here.

The good news is I’m nearly 24 hours into it and nothing horrible or stupid or disastrous has happened yet šŸ™‚

That said I have been wrapped up in a Christmas/New Year comfort blanket where normal people take a break from their jobs over the holiday so I am forced to put all the stressful shit on hold until they are back in the office on Monday. Ā Not that I haven’t taken full advantage and put everything gratefully on the back burner, but I am more than aware of the rather urgent pending challenges that await me this month. Ā On Monday to be precise.

But, so far, 2016 has been OK! Ā Only another 8736 hours or so to get through Ā šŸ˜¦

This year, dear readers (if I still have any) you will find me an older, sadder and wiser Sista and therefore I’m not going to be giving 2016 a name, positive motivationalĀ theme, or even to go through specific resolutions.

It’s not that I don’t have any; it’s just that my lofty aims and ambitions can so easily fall to the ground and shatter into a million pieces. Ā And then I read back my previous posts and feel like a total arse, hence my long periods of absence on here in 2015.

Another reason is that not a lot has changed in the last year. Ā I’m still not working full time. Ā I’m not fit. Ā I’m older and fatter. Ā I’ve left my group therapy.

And I’m more frightened than ever.

But I think I’m softer, kinder, less abrasive, I’m taking less medication and, like I said in my last post, changes are afoot whether I like it or not. Ā The Universe has ran out of patience with me, and as on previous occasions is winkling me out of my hidey hole an propelling me bodily out into the great unknown.

This, my friends, will happen in some way shape or form, so I have no need of a specific resolution. Ā I have to pull down my oxygen mask, assume the crash position, and kiss my ass goodbye just in case IĀ don’tĀ survive theĀ landing.

Getting past this stage is the only resolution I can deal with right now, such is it’s magnitude, stress inducing propensity and urgency.


Once I’ve done that it’s more about setting up a new life for myself and not, I repeat, not hiding away in my littleĀ cottage and getting pelted with rotten fruit by the village children who proclaim me resident witch.

Which is massive, as I managed to be a recluse for most of 2015 in London, so the temptation to tuck myself away and fester will be enormous.

Enter Aunty C (my counsellor and literally my life saver) who promises to manage me from the 200 odd mile distance and pep talk me over Skype for as long as I need her.

Leaving the few friends I have is a terrifying prospect, but my gut tells me that my London days are over and my future lies elsewhere, so it will be interesting to see where and how I am doing in 12 months time. Ā If I was going to theme 2016 I would hazard a guess that the word ‘Changes’ would be most relevant.

But, I reiterate, I make no resolutions or promises this time. I’ve let both you lot and myself down too many times for that.

In the meantime I wish you all an amazing 2016 and hope that it’s a good one.

Namaste bitches

SS x







Green is the branch that I offered you

In hope we could start our friendship anew

But this offer seems over before it can start

As green is the branch, but black is the heart


The past has been bitter

Some fault has been mine

But Iā€™m washing away all that poisonous brine

But you seem to linger, all pitted and tart

How green was my scheme, but black stays your heart


I still care for you

I want you to know

And wish we could plant this and help it to grow

But your inner feelings you will not impart

So green I have been, to expect a new start


Silence is golden

But not in this case

As stewing in your juices, it will not erase

The problems that led to us needing to part

So please take this branch and open your heart


But even the greenest of branches will wilt

And if a new friendship just cannot be built

Please know that I grow, and I plan and I chart

As greener and cleaner and strong is my heart


You still have some time

To think all this through

But I think that I know your mind better than you

So I bid you goodbye, even though it does smart

How green was my branch, but black is your heart