Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….


PITY PARTY TRACK 18 – SILENCE – DELIRIUM feat. Sarah Maclachlan

Don’t have much to say as the lyrics say it all.  Except I hear ‘whirlwind’ not white wave?

Very telling, hey? 😉

Enjoy x

‘Give me release, witness me
I am outside, give me peace

Heaven holds a sense of wonder, and I wanted to believe
That I’d get caught up when the rage in me subsides

Passion chokes the flower, till she cries no more
Possessing all the beauty, hungry still for more

Heaven holds a sense of wonder, and I wanted to believe
That I’d get caught up when the rage in me subsides

In this white wave I am sinking, in this silence
In this white wave, in this silence, I believe

I have seen you in this white wave you are silent
You are breathing, in this white wave I am free

I can’t help this longing comfort me
I can’t hold it all in, if you won’t let me

Heaven holds a sense of wonder, and I wanted to believe
That I’d get caught up when the rage in me subsides

In this white wave I am sinking, in this silence
In this white wave, In this silence, I believe

I have seen you in this white wave you are silent
You are breathing, in this white wave I am free’

Read more: Delerium – Silence Lyrics | MetroLyrics



I’m going to cheat a little here.

I want two songs.

But at least they are by the same artist, the wonderful, uniquely voiced Lloyd Cole.

And just to be extra awkward I’d like to state that I don’t really have a best friend anymore. Anyone I’ve given that description to in the past has invariably struck out at me (well in my little HSP BDP mind they have), and I don’t really trust any of them much anymore.

Hence the first song ‘Rattlesnakes’.  As in:

‘A girl needs a gun these days
Hey on account of all the rattlesnakes’

And whilst I don’t look like Eve Marie Saint in On The Waterfront (I wish), I agree on the therapy bit and that I need love.  Unfortunately ‘It’s so hard to love, when love was your great disappointment.’

I do love my friends though.  In my way.  And I’m aware that much of this could well be my imagination.

But I’d so love ‘A Brand New Friend’ that I could trust with my heart.  Maybe that has to be me.  So I’ve been told.

I know; boo hoo, hoo, crack open the gin, it’s yet another Sista S Pity Party!

Great songs though, so suck it up bitches and pass the frigging twiglets! 😉

Namaste x




I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself tonight, and it’s ages since I did a Pity Party number, so here’s a bit of Cilla for you, singing the wonderful Burt Bacharach’s beautifully poignant ‘Alfie’

What’s it all about? 50 odd years on I’m none the wiser, let’s hope you are and you have enough love in your life to sustain you through the dark days and lonely nights x



So here it is, the first Pity Party track of 2014, think I did quite well to keep it in all in for this long…

Everything about this song resonates deep within me; the inexplicable dissatisfaction when everyone around seems happy, the incessant, deep, damaging introspection that has me picking away at myself like a crusty, inflamed boil, and that fucking metronome slowly ticking away the seconds of my life day after day, night after night without seemingly any end in sight.

The song is so beautiful though and the ‘hmm, hmm’ of the backing vocals are hypnotic and almost mantra like, and, hey, I’ve always loved Tomorrow.

Until it becomes today.

Because then it gets written off and my focus is again on the next tomorrow, which despite all the songs to the contrary always betrays me and comes. Much to my chagrin.

And nearly ever day I fail to make something of it.

Maybe tomorrow will be different. But it rarely is.


I’ve been down and
I’m wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
With me


Daily Prompt: Mix Tape Masterpiece – NINETY NINE YEARS IS A LONG, LONG TIME….


First of all, thank you Daily Prompt for giving me the impetus to write something as I haven’t been out for about four days and nights, and was seriously thinking about how I could cease to be with the least amount of pain and inconvenience to everyone else until now.

FYI there isn’t a way; I’ve checked.

The sun is shining in Londinium today, and whilst that doesn’t mean shit to me, I’m going to make myself go out.  Partly because I don’t want to let down Aunty C (my wonderful counsellor who interrupted her holiday to call and drag me out of the mire) and partly because I’ve run out of milk, and if I have to stay on this shithouse of a planet, life without a brew would be totally and utterly intolerable.

In a similar way to ‘Steve Says’ (No. 10 on the list below) I’ve utilised one of those music challenge things usually found on My Space and Facebook to list my choices.

This is a version of ‘My Life According to (BAND NAME) where you have to select one of said bands songs from their back catalogue to answer the below questions.  In this instance, I’ve needed to have free rein in order to let you know how I really feel today.

You may find think this sounds like a seriously fucking miserable post, but it won’t entirely piss all over your Sunday Yorkshires as not all of these tracks are ‘Pity Party’ fodder, plus I can guarantee that all of them are TOP NOTCH.

Enjoy.  I’m going to venture outside to get some cow juice. Wish me luck….



Are you a male or female:
I’m a Long Time Woman – Pam Grier

Describe yourself:
Ball of Confusion – Temptations

How do you feel?
Dead from the Waist Down – Catatonia

Describe where you currently live:
Home is Where the Hatred is – Gil Scott-Heron

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Another Star – Stevie Wonder

Your favourite form of transportation?
Running Up That Hill – Kate Bush

Your best friend is?
Queen Bitch – Bowie

Your favourite colour is?
Almost Blue – Chet Baker

What’s the weather like?
Smokestack Lightning – Howlin‘ Wolf

Favourite time of day?
In The Wee Small Hours of the Morning – Frank Sinatra

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called?
Highways of my Life – The Isley Brothers

What is life to you?
I Dreamed A Dream – Anne Hathaway

Your relationship?
Alone Again Or – Calexico

Your fear?
Helpless – Kim Weston

What is the best advice you have to give?
Shower the People – James Taylor

If you could change your name, you would change it to:
Talullah – Jamiroquai

Thought for the day?
Hold On – Alabama Shakes

Your soul’s present condition?
Hurt – Johnny Cash

Your motto?
Whatever Gets You Through the Night – John Lennon


That’s all folks….

P.S. My lovely and much appreciated existing followers, there’s no need to sympathise or comment as there’s just nothing you can say or advise, it just IS THE WAY THAT IT IS.  Praying optional though x

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Nine tracks of “Das Boot” album by U96 | Philosophic Notes of Alexey Markovich
  2. The Bell | Village & Countryside Tourism
  3. If you love to walk | Village & Countryside Tourism
  4. Daily Prompt: Mix Tape Masterpiece 6.10 | Family, Photos, Food & Craft
  5. Daily Prompt: Silence Is Full Of Music… | Ese’ s Voice
  6. Music You Can Grow Into. | The Ambitious Drifter
  7. Daily Prompt: MIxed Tape Masterpiece – Music | Charles Ray’s Ramblings
  8. 23 About Me | Daily Prompt: Mix Tape Masterpiece | likereadingontrains
  9. Mix Tape Masterpiece | geekergosum
  10. Daily Prompt: Mix Tape Masterpiece | Steve Says….
  11. Daily Prompt: Mix Tape Masterpiece – ANIMUSIC RESONANT CHAMBER | SERENDIPITY
  12. Mix Tape: Daily Prompt | BLUE BEAD PUBLICATIONS
  13. La la la. | Crossroads
  14. My life explained with Beatles’ songs | Neva Samaki
  15. Mix Tape Masterpiece « RPMAS
  16. Daily Prompt: Mix Tape Masterpiece | Life as a country bumpkin…not a city girl
  17. Who Are You Girl? | Prayers and Promises
  18. My 8 Track | My Days In A Song
  19. Boat Punk Mash-Up | The Life NomadikThe Life Nomadik
  20. “Mix Tape Masterpiece” | Relax
  21. If My Life Was A Mixtape | ASHINGTON POST
  22. 191. Top 20 Playlist…don’t mock me | Barely Right of Center



I’m playing this for you because (a) I’m lonely, (b) I’m doing NOTHING to help myself, (c) I really love this song, and best of all (d) this dude sure has some MOVES on him!

My dance goes like this: Three steps forward, two steps back, one to the side and dosey fucking doe, at least his looks like FUN…..

Arrghhh! Bored of myself and bored of boring you, bet you’ll be glad when the end this year AND this blog comes….

Enjoy xx

PITY PARTY TRACK 13 – SKID ROW Little Shop of Horrors


It was kind of difficult to categorise this song really, but it’s being posted as a Pity Party track as I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself today, though even I have to admit, Sarf London ain’t quite as bad as this…. 😉

It is definitely an ‘Ear Worm’ as it’s been stuck in my head since I included one of Seymour’s lines from it in yesterday’s post….

But every time I hear it, my spirit soars, so it’s also kind of Optimistic too really….

Anyway let it be whatever it is to you and enjoy!

God, I would give my right arm/leg/anything to have pipes like the lady that opens this number.

Go on, girl, ‘Sing it child…’!