Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….


6 Comments

DAILY PROMPT: In Loving Memory – EAT ME

cook5

‘WRITE YOUR OWN OBITUARY’

‘Here I lie all spent and gone

I am dead but you’re not done

Much you took, but hear me, Living

I’m the gift that keeps on giving

 

Here I lie all spent and gone

But your greed it has not done

In life you took from me, but still

There’s yet the reading of the Will

 

But before you exit Hon

The giving is not as yet done

There’s my wake and if you might

Will you stay for a quick bite?

 

There is coffee, there is tea

Much for you, and much of me

For the main course is a roast

Of the girl you’ll miss the most!

 

Have some bicep, have some pec

Bite me, get it down your neck

Binge on this my last repast

You can even eat my ass

Mushroom_burial_suit_turns_heads_1640050000_3707671_ver1.0_640_480

Oh, you’re a veggie do you say?

Do not fret my friend, I pray

I will don a mushroom suit

And you can dine on my grey fruit

 

You going to pass? Well OK Honey

Just don’t think you’ll get my money

EAT ME, or you won’t make good

So lick it good just like you should

 

There! I knew you’d join the dots

A leopard does not change its spots

Have some wine my friend and pray

That it might take the taste away

 

You took in life, you take in death

But as I inhaled my last breath

You were not there to keen or mourn

I died alone, as I was born

 

So as you suck and gnaw my fingers

I pray that this grave lesson lingers

And you then know, my kith and kin

That you get out what you put in

 

Take my money, splurge and spend

But Death will come for you my friend

One day when you will lease expect it

Then you will leave the stage and exit

 

Will you give as much as taken

From your greed will you awaken

And vow to give and love enough

Cos in the end it’s all just stuff

 

You’ve ate your fill, oh praise the Lord

It’s time to go get your reward

I hope it feeds you and you find

I’ve left the best of me behind

 

Here I lie all spent and gone

I am dead so now we’re done

Much you took, but please do know

You only reep just what you sow

ELVISthankyou

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/in-loving-memory/


10 Comments

YOUNG BPD WOMAN (Inspired by Maya Angelou)

Roanne-Program-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-BPD3

Pretty young women think they know my shit

I’m not cute, an old boot, gone down hill quite a bit

But the truth is much more,

Than I’d care to admit

I say

It’s in the storm in my heart,

The voice in my head,

That tells me I’m worthless,

And wish I were dead.

BPD woman

Unfortunately.

Old BDP woman,

That’s me.

I’d walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to men I would seem

Just a cold hearted tease

But some would still come,

The hunter, the sleaze

I say,

‘Twas the ice in my eyes,

And the curl of my lip,

The putdown, the shutdown,

The jut of my hip

The terror I hid ‘neath the sarcastic quip

I was woman

Cynically.

Cynical woman,

That was me.

Those men themselves wondered

What they saw in me.

They tried so much

But did not touch

My cold dark mystery.

I tried not to show them,

I’d not have them see

I’d say,

‘It was mark of my father,   

The scorn of his son

The fearing, the jeering

At school, from that scum

You think you can touch me?

Well think again, chum’

I’m a woman

Impenetrably.

Impenetrable woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Why I live alone

No family to love me

No real sense of home

BDP girls when you read this

Please learn from my poem

I’m BPD woman

So solitary

Solitary woman

That’s no way to be

Girl, your enemy is not without, It’s within

Don’t make others suffer

It wasn’t their sin

Try not to reject love

Before it begin

I say…..

Raise your chin, flash a grin

Bathe the world with your smile

For the love of another

Can make life worthwhile

Swing those hips

Shake those tits

For all you are worth

And try to find joy

On this place we call earth

And when demons rise up

All howling en masse

Take shelter and know

That this too shall soon pass

And accept some support

From your woman or man

For to struggle alone

Was not part of God’s plan

I say…

It’s the light in your eyes

The strength in your heart

Your youth and your beauty

That’s only the start

Of all that you are and are willing to be

BDP woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal BDP woman,

That is thee.

Namaste little sistas xxxx


14 Comments

NAMASTE BITCHES

yogi2

I made it back

I hit the mat

But in my head are those mean twats

Who say that I should disappear

But I still made it, I’m still here

 

It is as tough as I recall

Some poses I can’t do at all

My muscles ache, my joints they creak

Whilst my demons hiss and speak

 

‘If your old workmates saw you now

They would seriously have a cow!

A teacher, you?!’ they laugh and jeer

‘So much for old ambitions, dear!’

 

And I’m ashamed, I must confess

Poor body, it’s in such a mess

Days, weeks, months, years, gone I know

I didn’t mean to neglect it so.

 

‘Get through this class, then move your ass

Go home and put it in the past

You know you’re not good at committing

Just hit that sofa, stick to knitting’

 

They have a point, I know they’re right

But I won’t go down without a fight

I may be tired and full of fear

But I’m still moving, I’m still here

 

Those years are dead and gone, God knows

As for tomorrow, fuck, who knows

I may just end up staying in bed

And let those bastards fill my head

 

But now, I’m present in the zone

And whilst I may still long for home

I move my ass, lunge, dip and breathe

And let those bastards curse and seethe

 

I’m looser now, I’m feeling lighter

If nothing else I’m still a fighter

So hear this demons, loud and clear

‘Namaste bitches, I’m still here’

f5b979d1d6b595c6a122e28ee647c4a0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


7 Comments

Daily prompt: Just Another Day – TROUBLE MAN (BPD BLUES)

jiu_rf_photo_of_cat_looking_at_coffee

“Our days our organized around numerous small actions we repeat over and over. What’s your favorite daily ritual?”

Like many people that are unstable/out of work/downright idle, I don’t really have a routine, but from my darkest days when I only drag my butt out of bed to pee, to my extremely rare 24 hour highs, and everything in between, three things must happen:

  • I need to take care of my cats
  • I NEED tea.
  • I need to take my medication.

So rather than write some longwinded dirge about why this is the case and bore everyone on here who’s heard it all before, I decided to bastardise one of my favourite songs by the late, great Marvin Gaye.

Apologies in advance to his family and estate.

Sorry Marvin.  I love you…

TROUBLE MAN (BPD BLUES)

I come up hard baby, but things weren’t cool
But I survived sugar, playin’ by the rules
I come up hard baby, said I was fine
But I was troubled sugar, movin’ down the line
I come up hard but that’s okay
‘Cause trouble men, I sure made them pay
I come up hard, baby

I’ve been real ill, baby, but I keep movin’, even when I’m down
I fall apart, but I’m still around
There’s only three things that’s for sure
Catshit, meds and cuppas
This I know baby, this I know sugar
But ain’t gon let it sweat me babe

Got me singin’, yeah, yeah, ooh
Come up hard, baby, I had to fight
Tried to fit in with all my might
I come up hard, fall apart, drank too much gin
Then start all over next day again
I come up hard but that’s the way
‘Cause trouble man it is here to stay, hey, hey

I seen dark places and I’ve been some faces
Made no real connections, had no direction
What people say, it ain’t okay, it bothered me, so
Now I say “Just fuck ’em”, I’ll make my own luck man
Don’t care ’bout no haters, I say “I’ll see ya laters”
It’s time I just try to be my own ‘Me’ now

I come up hard, baby, time to be real, baby
Heal my troubled mind, keeping up the fight
I fall apart, and I get down
There’s only three things for sure
Catshit, meds and cuppas oh
This I know, baby, this I’ve known, baby
Hey gotta pick this shit up baby, ooh

All right, baby, ooh
Some days it’s hard, some days it’s cool
I can’t make it, baby, playin’ by the rules
I’ve come up hard, baby, now it’s tea time
I add milk and sugar, hey, and take my Sertraline, oh, oh, ooohhh…

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/just-another-day/

http://www.metrolyrics.com/trouble-man-lyrics-marvin-gaye.html

 

 


9 Comments

EVERYBODY LOVES YOU WHEN YOU’RE DEAD

Poem inspired by recent deaths, both in and out of the public eye, and the nature of modern ‘friendship’.

Image

Oh everybody loves you when you’re dead

Those accolades they go straight to your head

Well they would if it were there

Half mine’s splattered on the stair

Oh yes, everybody loves you when you’re dead

 

Everybody loves you when you’re gone

It helps that you don’t need them to lean on

You don’t lean on anything

When from a ceiling you do swing

In those darkest hours just before the dawn

 

Oh yes, you are adored when you’re no more

And not a living, frightened, needy bore

‘Oh I wish I’d known the score’

Well you would have, silly whore

If you’d gotten up and answered your front door

 

Everyone loves a funeral doncha know

It means you get to put on such a show

Of how much love you had

For this person oh so sad

That you hadn’t seen for, oh, 2 years or so?

 

And you always give good quote

And you’ll don black shades and coat

And you get to show off that new Prada tote….

 

And naturally the wake you will attend

And meet your buddy’s other lovely friends

And stories you will share

About the times so free from care

Or so it seems to suit you to pretend

 

So the next time you are needed, my dear friend

Perhaps you’ll help and be there till the end

As believe me, it is true

That one day it might be you

Who seeks that ole Grim Reaper to befriend

 

Everybody loves you when you’re dead

The eulogies they’d go straight to my head

If I could hear their song

But alas I’m dead and gone

As your words die, like your roses, so blood red

Image


12 Comments

Daily Prompt: Write Here, Write Now – I SAW YOU LOOKING AT MY TIT

Write a post entirely in the present tense.

This poem is dedicated to the young man who just did my ECG examination:

Image

I saw you looking at my tit

You went all red, you little git

And though I should be in a snit

I am amused, I must admit

 

I saw you looking at my bap

My cotton robe, it had a gap

I should have given you a slap

You sneaky, cheeky little chap

 

You took a peek at my booby

They’re not all that, you must agree

So I am pleased you’d want to see

The honkers of old, bonkers me

 

I caught you looking at my tit

Young man, so virile, strong and fit

And though I should be in a snit

I’m chuffed, you fluffed up little git

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Focus | My Play Nook
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  3. Everything to Everyone | momaste
  4. Like Right Now? | Buzzy Beez
  5. NOW is the Time to Pray for Victims | The Christian Gazette
  6. La Fée Verte | field of thorns
  7. Daily Prompt: Write Here, Write Now | Morrighan’s Muse
  8. Now | Words in Silver
  9. Write Here, Write Now | smarshmellow
  10. Write Here, Write Now | Delicious Ambiguity
  11. Daily Prompt: Write Here, Write Now | Storm In A B-Cup
  12. Right (Write) Now | 365 Days of Thank You
  13. Lion Tracks | Overcoming Bloglessness
  14. Anywhere but Write Here | thanks for letting me autograph your cat
  15. The How of Now | Willow’s Corner
  16. Writing Here, Writing Now | Chasing A Dream
  17. Writing Write Now | DHAltman
  18. SNOW DAY COMPLAINTS? Please rethink . . . | Writing Canvas
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  20. The haunting song in my dreams | Right Down My Alley
  21. Now | As I See It
  22. Presque fini…je serai une héroïne ? | Forty, c’est Fantastique !
  23. The Time is…Now | Leonas Lines–Poetry Plus
  24. Say Cheeeze…. | Emovere
  25. smells of freshly-baked bread, and here i am, still writing | life and loveliness
  26. The Time is Now | Leona J. Atkinson-Inspirational Writer
  27. Let me show you my NOW | mummy flying solo
  28. The Present | L5GN
  29. Daily prompt: The alternative to Fotherington-Thomas | helen meikle’s scribblefest
  30. NOW | RedboX medicalplus
  31. Write Here and Write Now | Shetall says
  32. Write Here, Write Now | Polymathically
  33. Presently Present | Losing It
  34. Daily Prompt: Nice is….. | IvyMosquito
  35. Daily Prompt: Write Here, Write Now – A Nursery Rhyme | littlegirlstory
  36. Super Bowl XLVIII | Write now?
  37. Getting things in order…. | Words ‘n Pics…
  38. lit up | yi-ching lin photography
  39. If not NOW, when? | Mishe en Place
  40. Daily Prompt – Write here, Write now – Girl of no known |
  41. The Tsavo Big Game Show: it’s a dangerous pursuit | Tish Farrell
  42. After a long day!!! | sanchitasarkar
  43. Present Tense – Daily Post 29/1/14 | Sweat, Tears and Digital Ink
  44. Daily Prompt: Write Here, Write Now | Violet Skye
  45. when and.. | staying.cool
  46. Path | kaffechai
  47. Right here. Right now. | Love.Books.Coffee.
  48. My Experience on A Flight Yesterday. Write a Post in the Present Tense | Angela McCauley
  49. After a long day!!! | Myriad Notions
  50. White Picket Fence | asweetbrightthing

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/29/daily-prompt-now-2/


8 Comments

Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety – WITHIN THE SOUND OF SILENCE

Write about a noise — or even a silence — that won’t go away. (We’ll let you interpret this in different ways…)

Image

It waits for me, an age old friend

One on whom I could depend

But I fill my head with noise and shit

So that I can’t see or even hear it

 

Be it crap TV, Facebook, eBay

I fill the gaps from day to day

I leave not a smidge of space to fit

In time to see or even hear it

 

I bite my fingers, clench my fists

Twist my limbs as anxiety grips

I feel it’s presence at my side

But all I want to do is hide

 

‘You can’t do this forever’ I hear it say

‘Are you going to resist till your dying day?

I try to be patient, but it hurts me so

To see you in pain with no place to go’

 

‘The time has come for you, my friend

To stand up and face the world again’

But I plug my fingers in my ears

As I don’t want to feel those doubts and fears

 

‘I can help’ it whispers to me

‘Please let me in, and let it be

Look within and you will find

That all that you need is here, inside’

 

But I tense and cringe

Too scared, too proud

And turn up the radio nice and loud

And I watch, and I read, and type and knit

And make sure I can’t see or even hear it

 

But I want so much to turn around

And take what was lost and make it found

And I say, ‘Tomorrow, I will, you’ll see!’

But inevitably I’ll just watch TV

 

It waits for me, my age old friend

One on whom I can depend

And I know that it never ever quit

But I can’t bear to see or even hear it

 

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. My.Vivid.Visions | Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety – Silence of Frustration
  2. Be Quiet | Momma Said There’d Be Days Like This
  3. I am watching you | Images to delight and inspire you
  4. Daily Prompt – A Source of Anxiety | Kate Frazer Writes
  5. Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety – Mothers With Young Children: We Need to Be Honest About Sexual MisConduct and Abuse At Home If We Want to Protect Our Children | The RadiantMedina and the Author of Sheep
  6. A Source of Anxiety | Geek Ergo Sum
  7. dining at the airport | y
  8. Vocal Fry And Black Coffe–e | The Jittery Goat
  9. Anxiety Clings To Us | The Ambitious Drifter
  10. The Shriek of Silence | Finale to an Entrance
  11. The Jabberwacky | The Mockingbird in Me
  12. A Silent Journey | Misifusa’s Blog
  13. Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety « Mama Bear Musings
  14. Silence is golden… | Kate Murray
  15. The Loudest Noise | annezheng
  16. Anxious for Everything | crookedeyebrows
  17. The silence | Existentialists R Us
  18. Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety | Basically Beyond Basic
  19. Is it me? | alienorajt
  20. The Water Bowl
  21. Annoyance | paperdollsletter
  22. Daily Prompt: A Source of Knowing | Awl and Scribe
  23. Without Mama… | Haiku By Ku
  24. Daily Post: The Sound of Anxiety | One Starving Activist
  25. My brother’s silence | Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety | Ireland, Multiple Sclerosis & Me
  26. Mutt Monday: Kennel Anxiety | Dog Leader Mysteries
  27. Daily post: A source of anxiety | The Fountain
  28. Daily Prompt: Self-Conscience Anxiety | Bowl of Rice
  29. Anxiety Or??? | Live. Learn. Have Fun. Smile.
  30. That voice in my head | Seeking An Enriching Life
  31. Whisper of a Whistle | ginnysblogspace
  32. A Source of Anxiety – A Collection of Poems | I Hope You’re Taking Notes
  33. Seek Shelter, The Storm Is Brewing | Kansa Muse
  34. Anxiety | JF の Shikou
  35. The Daily: A Source of Anxiety | Patty Ryan Lee
  36. Save Me | Broken Light: A Photography Collective
  37. Relax… | Whispered Words
  38. Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
  39. Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety | kimmiecode 🙂
  40. the sound of silence | zaji…the holistic writer
  41. A Deafening Silence. | Tales of a slightly stressed Mother!
  42. Relentless | Momma Roars
  43. just slow down… | Louie Behogan
  44. Daily Prompt: “Rabbits,” She Said | melanielynngriffin
  45. Why Can’t You Hear Me? | Cheri Speak
  46. In the Unknown and Unpredictable | Not The Sword But The Pen
  47. Noises in the Dead of Night | Craig Towsley :: Flash Fiction
  48. The Trumpet Sounded | K beezy is viral
  49. DAILY POST: ANXIETY! WHAT’S THAT NOISE? | SERENDIPITY
  50. Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety | Finding Life
  51. Anxiety… what the hell do I know…?! | It’s my blog, innit…
  52. Chatter in My Mind | Real Life Co.
  53. A Source of Anxiety | Flowers and Breezes
  54. For the Love of Silence | meanderedwanderings
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  62. Face it, then let it go – | The Flavored Word
  63. Noisy deafness | Emotional Fitness
  64. Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety » My Life, My Way, My Words
  65. A Source of Anxiety | The Nameless One
  66. Drip Drip Drip | Retrofocus
  67. Woes of a Final Year Undergraduate Student | sakshidayal
  68. Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety: Racing Thoughts. | Schizo Incognito
  69. UNWELCOME SOLITUDE | hastywords
  70. proxima saída mércores 11 de decembro | Pontevedra en bicicleta
  71. Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety | Life In The Passenger Seat
  72. Brain is a noise best served persistent | Expressions
  73. Old Man Willow you should not be awaking. | Many musings blog’s Blog
  74. play it again… | peacefulblessedstar
  75. On Humans | THE BLACK SPAGHETTI CHRONICLES
  76. Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety | A Weary Mind
  77. Fire Alarms | djgarcia94
  78. December Blog Challenge… Anxiety | Chuckle at Chaos
  79. She Shrieks My Anxiety | Angst
  80. A Dalliance, A Brush, A Flirtation | Not the Family Business!
  81. Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety | jane sleeps here
  82. The Sound Up The Stairs – Lipstick and Lithium – Bipolar Blog
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  84. 9 December : Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety | Family, Photos, Food & Craft
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  88. The Buzzing | Amoeba Kat Musings
 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/09/source-of-anxiety/