Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016….






Me tonight

Even if the bed bugs bite




May I stay?

Send me back another day


Or two

Or five

Or I could stay

By your side


If that would be alright?


You’d hardly know

I’m here


Please turn out the light






Scrape, scrape, scrape…

It’s early. I raise my head from the pillow and squint.

Dexter, you git.

I flail to the other side of the bed and wave my arms futilely in the general direction of the noise/destruction.

‘No Dex, naughty, no, no…..NO, stoppit!’

I hear loud, satisfied purring, and something soft and fluffy grazes my fingertips.

Little shit.

The scratching stops. I fall back on the pillows and seek further solace in the merry old land of Nod and just as I almost get to the end of that pillow brick road….

Scrape, scrape, purr, scrape, purr, scrape, PURR, PURR….


I slide inevitably from bed to floor, stumble to my feet, and stagger after the perky, self satisfied little brat to the kitchen, fill two bowls with cat food then head off back to bed.

Crunch, crunch, crunch….

That should keep them occupied for a little while.

Sleep don’t come easy, boy please believe me…

And breathe…

Nearly there, three or four more downy soft, floaty steps at most….


Chirrup! Purr…

Another feline visitor; a furry skull pushes at my hand with surprising force. I pat it. Smooth not fluffy.


I groan. I know what’s coming.

I bathe every day unless I’m really ill, but that doesn’t cut it with little Chaz. Ignoring my noises of protest, he firmly, thoroughly, and meticulously wipes his chops all over me, teeth grazing my skin, giving me an occaisional nip lest I even think to escape, liberally and thoroughly coating me with cat spit.

After about 15 minutes of these tender mercies, I am awake and spitty, and Charlie, satisfied, plonks himself onto my (full) bladder, circles a few times then settles down for a recuperative nap. Dex, tummy now full, assured that I am now totally beyond sleep, hops up and joins him.

Just another morning Chez Sertraline.

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SLEEP SEDUCTION (A poem wot I wrote)



Sleep lures me, like a well loved song, like a love long gone, like a cashmere throw

Excuse me dear, we are not yet done, I have much to share that you do not know

The dream you left, what happens next, that name just on the tip of your tongue

Assignations with people long since dead, a caress from a lover you may never hold

It is cold back there, there is doubt and pain

Betrayal, grief and grudges remain

There is naught for you, you will shrivel and age

Bones crumble to dust, flesh crinkles and caves

Your faces once striking to behold, has started to slip, to fade, degrade

Like an aging sepia photograph, like a month old poster in the rain

It is warm in here and I care so much

Of your doubts and fears, and your frailties and cares

Just come to me my dearest one

I’ll caress, possess and ease you some

But I resist though in my heart I weep

But I have promises to keep

And miles to go before I sleep

And miles to go before I sleep